Bloody Lips

Episode 18

ALEXANDRA POV:

This is a bad idea…

I agree very bad idea..

Why it is?

I think it is very good idea.

I contemplate with myself outside Xander’s room,thinking whether it is good idea to knock and go inside to talk about our problems or it is bad idea because Xander is Xander ,i can’t expect anything from him now.

Decisions.. Decisions. I sigh.

I lift my hand up to knock on the door,my hand stops in the air. What if this is just a waste of time? After thinking, some more I decided to just give up and come back later.

I turn around,ready to run away from his room as fast as possible before he comes out when the door room opens and I pause. My shoulders slump down. How lucky I am.

Xander clears his throat.

I turn around and look up at him. One eyebrow raised, he looks at me with a small smile. He leans on his door frame, arms crossed over his shirt. DAMN THAT MUSCLES.!! Don’t blame me if I am drooling. 69

He chuckles and I look up again,immediately. Busted. I narrow my eyes in annoyance. 1

“What?” I snap at him. His both eyebrows move upward. I roll my eyes.

“What what? You are standing outside my room for about-” he breaks off while looking at his hand watch then continue his sentence, 7

“For about 10 minutes and you are asking me ‘what’ ?” He says with amusement in his voice. I open my mouth to reply with something when he moves aside and goes back inside his room , throwing ‘come inside’ over his shoulder. 8

I furrow my eyebrows. I have two options now. First, leave him and go back. Second,go inside and do, why I am here for in the first place. Okay,i am not a coward. I will talk to him. But- 4

“Come inside, I won’t bite you..yet” I hear his voice calls out to me and I can swear he is smiling right now. I roll my eyes before making my decision. 135

Fuck it. I’m going in.. 68

I move inside,it feels like temperature drops here,i rub my arms and look around. His room is manly. Grey walls,one wall has a big TV screen.Black bed sheet and pillows with modern furniture bedside tables and a dresser. He even have black curtains that lead to terrace area. There are two doors also,one should lead to closet and other to bathroom,i guess. My eyes fall on him. 31

Sitting on the black couch on the far corner with a coffee table in front of it. His face is blank but his eyes are telling me other story. He moves his finger ,motioning me to come closer. 13

My legs move on his own accord but I stop myself going any closer to him and stop beside the bed,facing him. 4

“Sit down.” His deep voice,echo throughout the room. I sit on the edge of the bed. So soft. Like a cloud,his bed.

He rests his head back on the couch,facing the ceiling,eyes closed. We both sit in the silence and it hits me like a deja vu when we were together in the college. We used to sit in comfortable silence, we didn’t need useless talks. We enjoyed each other presence in silence. Is he thinking the same thing as I am? A lump forms in my throat with emotions. It feels hard to swallow. I clears my throat before breaking the silence. 9

“We need to talk.” 33

He doesn’t reply,instantly. Instead,he sits without moving before taking a deep breath and sighing. His eyes meet mine. Different emotions are swirling in those beautiful eyes that I love so much.

“I’m listening.” His voice comes out,strong with emotions. 3

I close my eyes. I can do it. He doesn’t have any right to hurt me . I can’t let him. With my eyes closed , I let out everything.

“You just can’t keep doing this, you are hurting me. First you left me all alone,you didn’t even call me not even a single text, you didn’t even check up on me that whether I am alive or not- ” my voice breaks off,i cam feel tears building up in my closed eyes. 10

“I was so alone, all these years. You left, grandma died. I was scared, I was so a-alone. But I waited for you because you were the only person that I loved my whole life, the person who was always there for me when I was alone,when i needed someone, when I need someone to hold me and tell me everything will be fine. But there was a hope inside my heart that you will come back like you had promised but you didn’t-” I open my eyes and look at him,tears falling down but I don’t make a move to stop them. I want him to see what I was feeling, I look straight in his eyes. His eyes following the path of the tears.

“-you didn’t come back,Xander. Then,i become use to of living alone. I was living with a cold heart without any heart breaks,without having a fear of people leaving me because they always did. You did leave me. It was going alright. Then you came back. ” I whisper the last part while a sob breaks through my mouth but I continue as I remember all the horrible things he had done.

“You s-scared me, I was alone.. I don’t h-had anyo-one. I was so s-scared. Y-you broke m-me. You hurt-t me s-so m-much. Instead of coming to me with open arms,you took this horrible path . If you had come t-to me with o-open arms , I would have throw mys-self in your a-arms with h-happy tears. But you destroyed everything and now y-you ha-ve me but not with h-happy tears instead with hurt tears. You hur-t me-e. I won’t for-forgive you for what you had put me through. I am s-so tired of this game,Xander…so tired.. Now,by keeping me-e h-here , forcefully you a-are hurting me m-more. I am t-tired. Please .. p-please.” I shake my head as sobs after sobs escape my mouth. I close my eyes and put my head in my hands, my body shaking with each sobs. The room is silent,all I can hear is my sobs. 310

After few seconds, I feel bed dip beside me. With a mess I am, I try to move away but my whole body is so tired to fight with him now. I don’t fight him when he circles his arms around me and hugs me. My head on his chest,inhaling his scent. His hand one around me,keeping me in place and the other in my hair, stroking them slowly. Another, sob breaks and i feel his lips on my head,lingering there. He is gentle now. Not pushing me, just holding me like he used to do in past.

I clutch his shirts in my fist when another deja vu hits me of him holding me. I miss this. I cry in his chest and he just holds me, rocking us back and forth and for a second, I thought that maybe he is still the same Xander i knew before. Maybe..

I can feel my eyes,becoming heaving every passing seconds. I try to keep myself from not sleeping here. I try to keep my eyes open but the more I try the more it becomes hard to open it. Suddenly I feel light headed, my body feels light, I sigh I know I am about to go in deep slumber and with that I fall asleep in the arms of my ex-boyfriend,in the arms of my ex-stalker. 187

• 5

I stir awake when I feel someone shaking my shoulder, lightly. I blink my eyes ,in order to adjust to my surrounding. Slowly, I become aware of my surrounding when I find the maid,Jennifer, smiling down at me. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. 8

What is happening?

Then the memories of my meeting with Xander and then falling asleep in his arms,come crushing down on me. I jerk up straight in a sitting position on the bed,looking around for him. He is not here but I am still in his room and even in his bed. 21

“He is not here,ma’am.” Jennifer infroms me , probably guessing that I am looking for him. 4

“Where is he ? “

“He left just a while ago. He said to wake you up and give you something to eat because you had skipped meal. ” He left? I had skipped? How long I had been sleeping? 2

“It’s morning,m’am” she says with a small smile,judging by my shocked face that how could I skip meal. Morning? I had slept for a day. Damn. 76

But I must admit it,i feel fresh now. Like all my tiredness had gone now. I smile at her.

“Call me Alex, please.”

“Alex it is then. Come on, honey. freshen up and eat something because Xander won’t be happy if he finds that you haven’t eaten. ” I roll my eyes playfully before replying “okay ma’am” jokingly. She went to get my breakfast. 7

I make my way into his bathroom. His bathroom is modern and very classy. With black and white theme and a shower bath and long bath tub in the end. 7

After doing my business in bathroom and washing my tear stained face, I re-enter the room to find breakfast tray with beacons and pancakes on the coffee table and my legs move over it without a second thought. 46

As I take a bite of pancake,i realize how hungry I am. In record time, all my breakfast had been finished and I slumped back in the couch , patting my stuffed tummy. A sigh of satisfaction leaves my mouth.

But soon my satisfaction turns into worry when I hear footsteps coming towards my room. Oh no. 12

Just give me few more minutes God, I don’t want to face him yet. Just few more minutes,i sent a prayer and cross my fingers, hoping my luck work this time.

1…2…3…

I release my breath in relief when I see it is Laila, who beams up at me. I grin at her.

“I see someone is in good mood.” She says with a giggle. I laugh softly with her. 3

“You can say so.”

“That’s good because I want to take you out to backyard today because Sir is not here plus the weather is also good. I think we should know each other more.” 10

Without any second thought, I agree with her instantly. I feel relax now, after telling Xander everything, it feels like I can breath now. But I fear the moment when I have to face him again and I know that moment will come soon..

Throwing that thought out of my mind for a while, I decide to enjoy a little bit with Laila.