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Episode 29

When I got home, Sandra was done with making lunch and was cleaning the kitchen up.
My heart was racing as I joined her.

She wanted to set the dining for me to eat but I wasnā€™t hungry and told her I will eat later. I noticed that her facial expression changed after I said that.

After tidying the kitchen up she started walking out with a kitchen napkin which she was using to wipe her wet hands.
She threw the napkin carelessly on the dining table and I knew she was angry.
I rushed to her.

ā€œMy love what is itā€¦did I do anything wrong?
She pulled away from my arms and said.
ā€œI should be asking you that. Ever since yesterday you have been acting strange. I got tired of asking you what the problem was. I know something is bothering but you have refused to open up. Did I do anything wrong bye coming down to see you? Why canā€™t you open up on what exactly is eating at you. You picked at your breakfast this morning and did not eat much, I quickly made lunch hoping you will eat whenever you return but here you are again telling that you are not hungry. I should have stayed back in my fatherā€™s house instead of coming down here. Any time I start a conversation you will be absent minded and hardly give me the attention I crave for. Iā€™m leavingā€¦Iā€™m going back home. Whenever you are ready to open up, you know where to find me. I will not spend another night here in this house with youā€¦I canā€™t cope with your troubled mood. Maybe I should be serious with my plans on visiting the embassy with my dad and getting the required documents for my traveling out to Canada instead of been where Iā€™m not wanted.

She turned and started walking away, I held her and she kept struggling.
I was almost crying like a child.
I was really going through a lot and I do not want it to affect Sandra, I felt so sad that Sandra was dragged into my mess.
How do I even tell her that Iā€™m expecting a child with Ireti. Sandra will never forgive me this time, not after what I did to her.
But for how long do I intend to live like this.
Ireti was making my life miserable and I donā€™t know how to escape from it.
My only problem is I donā€™t want to see Sandra sad.

I held her and did not let her go. A tear dropped from my eyes to her shoulder and she straightened and looked at me. I lowered my saddened face.

She took me to a sit and I sat down. Sandra brought a box of tissue and handed over to me. She sat beside me and grabbed my hands into hers.

She was indeed treating me like a child and it made me want to cry the more because Sandra deserve a better man not somebody like me. I donā€™t deserve her kind heart.
ā€œMart, what is it? Talk to meā€¦I wish to know please. You are getting me worried.
I wiped another tear, swallowed hard and looked up at her.

ā€œIā€™m afraid, I donā€™t want you to leave me. My life will be in shamble if you leave me. I love you so much and I canā€™t function well without you. That is why I canā€™t open up my trouble to you because you may never forgive meā€¦.. But I wonā€™t blame you if you chose not to forgive. I wishā€¦I wish you will.
She was quiet, she sqĀ£Ā£zed my hands gently, bent over and kissed my forehead before saying.

ā€œTrust me first and tell me what it is. I donā€™t know what my reaction will be and Iā€™m not promising I will be all nice at whatever you have to say but let me hear first before concluding. I love you too Mart and you should stop hiding stuffs from me. I hate secrets. Did you kill anybody?ā€¦what happened?

I swallowed hard again, bent my head and try to arrange the words in my mind. I breathed out and said.
ā€œIs Ireti. I liedā€¦I lied to you about calling it quit with her. It all started when I couldnā€™t get to you after what happened back then, Ireti came back pleading for a second chance or she will kill herself. I didnā€™t want to give her a chance after what happened but eventually I did. I notice she was still in contact with her Papi but I waved it off until I heard Musa one day talking to you over the phone. I urged him to get your address and when he did I came searching for you. After I found you, I try to end it all with Ireti but she wonā€™t let me be. She comes up with different threats and almost stabbed herself one day with my kitchen knife after i told her it was over between us. She was blackmailing me emotionally and in every way possible. I got drunk one night and canā€™t remember touching her but when I woke up my clothes were off and Ireti was naked. She said I made love to her without condom and I have never done that before. After few weeks she told me that she was pregnant and it was a product of that night. She was the same person that kept calling yesterday and I lied that it was my Mum, I liedā€¦my love. Iā€™m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. She kept banging at the gate yesterday and I have to go out to dismiss her. Today I actually went to see her and to settle on how to go on with the pregnancy but she is still making everything difficult and kept threatening me. Please donā€™t leave me. I know I donā€™t deserve youā€¦please stay. My life will never be the same if you leave meā€¦.pleaseā€¦.

I pleaded and went on my knee pleading. I didnā€™t even care as tears dropped from my eyes. I kept begging Sandra not to leave and to forgive me.

She pulled me up and remained quiet and every of her silent makes me feel like I was going to choke to death. She didnā€™t say anything for a while and I guess she was trying to decide if she should walk away or to forgive me and stay.


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