Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 13

“Abeg smirnoff Ice no dey shark human being
jare!!”. That was what I would have told anyone
that told me smirnoff ice sharks(intoxicates).

But Omo, the only thing I could blame the sudden
vulnerability of faith on right now is Smirnoff Ice
oh!.

Firstly, I put lagbaja for her back, she just smile (or
so I thought).

Secondly, she stopped being sarcastically naughty,
she was just this soft girl with a body language I
was yet to unlock.

Thirdly, I didn’t believe she could be this soft on me.

(Don’t even blame self esteem!, una remember say I
be like houseboy for my uncle house ney?).
Standing by the a sharp corner closed to the
packed dining table after talking for about 10mins
and became bored, she asked “So, what’s on your
jealous mind sire” As she rested on my huge chest
with her head(Her b.o.obs were so big! Or
“Packaged” to the extent that her stomach was
centimeteres away from my own. Body no gree join
becos of B…..ooooo…bbbbyyyy? ).

Ok, at this point, I had to be blunt or I loose
whatever I thought I would loose.
“Waking up tomorrow and being your errand boy
once again, or perhaps meet a sober girl early in the
morning with the “HI-DEE-GEE-HAY-EFF (IDGAF)”
all over her eyes when all I see right now is “Kiss
Me Already” in the eyes”..

Damn that looked like me quoting a bilble verse
(if ah hear say I fit quote bible verse wey long like
that!!! ). But whatever that was, I had a feeling I
killed it!!!!. *feeling like willian shakespare ..

That man made teachers label me a dummy, dats why I
always spell his name wrong I guess . Or maybe I
just don’t know it (no forming) .*
Meanwhile, it was almost 11:30pm (no be say I
check time oh! The time na fiction , but I get
proofs sha) and I could smell(HEAR) my own mouth
odour (alcohol normal daily things nah.. Ok, make
we add Yvonne’s Kum to it, heard it contains
millions of bacteria ) but I felt comforted when I
now perceived Faith’s Mouth Scent (I dey craze
wey I go call am odour? Shift!) As she was talking.
“Maybe her own SCENT worst pass ma own self” so
I thought .

“How about we focus on right now and leave the
morning for ummm.. Tomorrow(Bitting her lips..

Like how did I know what she was doing this while
whispering in my ear? ).
“Blood of Goat!! Tell her to repeat herself!!!!!!!!”

Lagbaja sent a neurone to the CNS. Omo, morale
don high oh but I never still understand that
statement,or my brain just wanted another
interpretation, or I am just dumb . “What?!!” I
asked…
“KISS ME”.. She said. (She wasn’t a master like
Yvonne I guess, so no Druid-Merlin ).

It was Happening again!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Standing just opposite me, she looked so beautiful,
sxy* and vulnerable.
“Ineffable’ would have been the word I used had it
been that I knew the word then (Thanks to Jamb
sha, I don know am ) but all I can tell you right
now was, I was, as in……. I was lost(seems pidgin
will give you more insight).. I nor come know where
I dey again!!!!

Like if you were looking for DANLADI, the only
place you would find him was in faith’s eyes. He
was lost, confused and excited at the same time…..

In those eyes I saw myself melt!!!!! (2face’s Love is
a crime comes to mind “Anytime that I look into ur
eyes I see fire in there!!!”

With my hands placed on her hips and her hands in
my back pockets (If to say nor be ajebo, I for
remove her hands oh! Dat one na rough play nah
), I just leaned over with my eyes closed
hoping that what I see in movies will just happen .

I Planted, or was she the one that planted it self?

confused

Woo.. I sha kissed this girl for the first time, all eyes
closed (only if I could close my eyes like that when I
pray, HE for don bless me) and I felt some sparks in
my brain!!.

I wanted this to be romantic so I think the kiss
lasted for like 10seconds(Yeah! That small ). But
till tomorrow, I never get that kind explosion for my
head just for ordinary kiss.

After the kiss that I didn’t wanted to end, I looked
straight into her eyes and smiled (afraid to laugh
because I was now judging my own mouth odour
). She smiled back and said “wow!!” (Didn’t hear
it but I saw her mouth say it).

“So, Can I look for my senses where I lost em now?”

I said into her ears. (I dey fear to talk directly to her
nose .. You know why nah )
“Nope.. Police Station closed till tomorrow”..

She
replied.
“Chai! Na wah oh, first na Santa Clause(who
collected my gift and left my lagbaja depressed),
now na POLICE? When I go meet the one wey go
be Ashawo nah?”… My unsatisfied mind thought but
the satisfied part was smiling like madt!!!!!!

(That was an indirect invitation.. After the party.. In our
House .. )