Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 14

At this moment, the fun wasn’t inside but outside as
people were outside eating chicken Barbecue,
drinking from Red cups and 80% smoking
cigarettes, exchanging PINS, for my mind, My
Nokia X2-01 self dey message nah(whatsapp things
)…Some were even doing Rap Battle with
themselves.

“Ehhhhhh? RAP BATTLE? I must murder someone
today” I said to myself as I remember me, myself
and I as the Rap king in my Secondary School.

Omo! As I reach there eh, come see boys rapping in
phonetics,british accents and some white kids also
there and damn! They were GOOD!!!!!… (I swear e
no good make one dey claim brilliant/good/king in
the midst of average people )
No one told me to leave there before I disgrace my
Crown (Imagine BAALE for one small town in AJAH
dey claim royalty for OBA OF BENIN KINGDOM.. E
no plum nah )..
“Wassup, seen Asamoah?”.. I asked a church
member I recognized as he pointed a place for me..

Getting there now,I saw 2 of those girls that I
concluded were Brostitute going in the place, and a
Bouncer(HFP worker, e fit be bricklayer for HFP
self) standing at the entrance who told me I can’t
enter there. I was trying to show my Edo washing
and settings powers(I.e We be one nah bro, you be
my big bro, no dey yahn like dat nah) on the
bouncer when Tobby came from nowhere to touch
me.

“GUY! Wetin you dey do for the LAZII DRUIDS
LOUNGE?” He asked me after he took me
somewhere quiet.

Looking confused, I asked “LAZII DRUIDS? That’s
the name of the party now”..
“EL-HO-EL (LOL)” he said.. Then he continued..
“You have no idea the party your in mehn! This
party budget is 3million naira, you think Michael
and his friends can raise that money? Abi you think
say na coincidence say michael Papa and his
mother nor dey house?”
Ok, at this moment, I was scared and confused as I
listened to tobby.. Gosh! How did I survive that
midnight mouth odour of his self?
.. He continued “LAZII DRUIDS is a brotherhood,
consisting of rich kids from the top schools in
nigeria, both Secondary schools and University, and
that lounge you see there is meant for members
only.. Everyone in that place contributed to this
party and Hell, this is not Michael’s house as we the
invitees were told, plus most of the parents of this
Guys are either Masons or anyhow”
I was soaked in confusion.

“So my friend of 2months bad like this? So things
like this exists among the rich? Chai.. What has this
world turned into? Blah blah blah”.. I was thinking
in my mind when I heard Tobby said
“Me I am here for DJockey and Girls oh! You better
discover your reason of being here before you jam..

Meanwhile, where is Yvonne? Been looking for her
everywhere.”

YVONE!!!!!!!.. That selfish santa Clause?

Mtchew www.. (In my mind)
“She told me she was going to sleep in one of the
rooms man, don’t really know the exact room”.. I
replied.

• I lied to him right? Lol! You want make he go
  finish the contract for me? Taah!!!! Make she sleep
  for dia jare Stingen girl of okikiology(Okiki means
  something in Yoruba and Edo I think) .

Was still trying to contain the shock I just got after
I left Tobby with one girl, heading straight to the
“__/” pool.

Getting to the pool chair, I saw that same Guy that
was standing with faith ealier today, sitting on my
space, talking to her.. “Ahan! This Guy na winch?

He no dey fear?”.. My jealous mind screamed in
anger.

When Faith saw me, she said “Hi Baby, Seen him?”..

Please spare me a minute so we reason a little..

Your Babe, or babe wey you dey try minister
to don ever make you look special in front of
another man sotey you self start to dey pity
the man? Or the babe just do nice things to
you just to make the other guy jealous? ..

If babe never do am for you before, its either You are
safe(I wish she never did it) or you are yet to be
used as a tool.
“Ummm.. Nope” I answered faith as she wore a sad
face .
“Niggi(I learnt it few mins ago from tobby) wassup
now? How’s the party?” I asked the Dude with a
“YOLO” face… “Cool bro, just perfect”.. He replied
with a face I interpreted as “Damn! Bad market
again”.

Lost in this euphoria(chancing a guy all dressed up
in GUCCI with my borrowed shoes and slim fitted
shirt .. No!!!!! The chinos were mine oh! ), I
went to pick a towel by the pool side to cover
Faith’s legs because I could see her black lacey
pan…ties when I stood directly opposite her.

(Funny how that didn’t give me a hard-on then but
now it does )
When I did this, she knew what I saw and I could
bet she was turned on by it.. At this moment, I
couldn’t stand any longer as my stomach pain went
in deep!!!!
“Ok, I can’t stand any longer, I am tipsy I guess”.. I
told her in my fake borrowed accent . (But tipsy?
Dat na lie oh! Na belle dey worry me sha )
“Wanna lie with me?”.. She asked.. At this point,
nothing surprised me anymore as I jumped into the
chair with my lagbaja visible from my trousers(The
tin mean business oh!!!!!).

But as I was sitting down, I saw Asamoah outside
holding a bottle of strange shape.. Five months
later, I saw that same bottle on Rick Ross’s Video.

CIROC Was the nam though . Didn’t care to go
meet him, cos I couldn’t walk and right there, I just
discovered my reason of being there. (Because this
sxy* girl wanted me here I thought..)