Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 19

I know this is going to be strange if I tell you but I
was confused as to why this paragraph will confuse
you… That’s why am writing it tho, but if its still
strange to you, then something is wrong with OUR
sense of humor .
I found myself opening my eyes.. To me I was just
dozing but when I looked around, there was no one
in the pool again but there were guys sleeping by
the pool chairs arranged beside the pool. And no
trace of background music.. Faith was still asleep
as the towel was covering her alone.. Then I
decided to check the time because I was thinking I
did something I didn’t wanna do …
” What!!!!!? I slept OFF!!!!!? ” .. My
mind shouted as I looked at my phone to see it was
6am.. Upon the pains I felt on my legs(Yeye shoes)?

Upon the stomach ache? Upon the fear I had about
those druids? What if they have done something to
me? Chai! Danladi…. Why you sleep? Even up to
3hours?

I was lost in thoughts when I discovered my
Lagbaja was still very much strong.. “Like
seriously? Aint that dangerous for my health? abi
them don give me something drink?” .. I stood up
quickly(this time I no send if faith wake up gan …

But I stood up slowly oh ).. As I stood up, I looked
at the Girl that slept on my body for a whole night
and I just started hailing myself (Danladi Baba!, see
babe.. See packaging.. Only You? Devil na area
father, you be Province father ……..) As I just
couldn’t believe what happened yesterday.

Thought
I would wake up and find out it was a dream(Wait! I
can say this is part of the reasons I didn’t sleep
shey? ) but hey! Here I am.. (Maybe I was still
dreaming? Enemies…. )
I thought of looking for Asamoah but I had a feeling
he will be dying with a hangover by now.. So I did a
gentleman move(cover ma baby(faith) wella with
towel , pecked her on the forehead and said
“Merry Christmas Baby” ) as I set out to look
for Yvonne in the room I left her. Chai! Omo.. If I
marry, I must repeat this style for my wife.. That
was romantic right? .
I guessed most people had gone home by now as
people were few in the sitting room.. Sleeping..

And
I could still see Tobby’s HP latop at the bar stand..
Then my thoughts went viral…. “Tobby and Yvonne
are together!!!!!!”..

With immediate alacrity, I dashed off to the room as
I tried not stepping on few people who were on the
floor.. On getting to the room, it was not locked so I
busted in without knocking ( … I Know..

She was right after all ) .

A bedspread(finally knew it after months of
correction that it wasn’t called BEDSHEET ) was
covering people my mind interpreted as TWO..

I just went there to open the bedspread .. I must
have been high on the alcohol I was drinking
(directly from the water dispenser turned alcoholic
dispenser) before I slept Off because this new
morale cannot be found in my traits.. *You know me
nah, cool headed niggah *
“Arrrrrghhh! No be dem ohhhh “.. I said to myself
in a nanosecond. Fear come catch me because
wetin I see pass wetin I expect ..

Its just 6am on christmas day and I am seeing a
shock I know will never be surpassed in my top
shocks of 2012(so I thought).. ( ).. A
Girl… And…… A Girl…….. On the bed!!!! . After
seeing this, my mind(that yeye something that led
me there at first) disagreed with my eyes..

“Na Lie!! You are drunk, so you are seeing double..
Look am well”… Mind ministered to the eyes. Then
the eyes went looking again(when will eyes stop
obeying the mind tho? ).. I look b0bby, I look
hair, I look b0bby, I look hair.
“Na Girl and Girl be this nah.. Aha!”.. The eyes got
back to the mind but only to find out the mind has
jumped out of its shell(shocked!) because one of
the girls woke up(You see betrayal shey )..

I never imagined Les–bianism in Nigeria though, I thought it was a Western thing, but here I was.. Looking at it with my eyes .. And it wasn’t sad.. .. It was sxy**!!!!!!!!!!.. Let me not tell y’all that I once

mastalabated while I watch two girls handle in a
p0rn movie (locks phonepad )*
The girl whom I didn’t want to know(but damn she
was hot!!!!!!) was kind of shocked as she was
covering herself with the Bedsheet( ).. While I
stood there looking with my Korokoro eyes..
“Mayday! Mayday!! Mayday!!!”, the eyes sent a
message and the only thing the mind could think of
was for me to smile and say Merry Christmas.

Well, I smiled, stammered and said “Me… mer…
Merry Christmas.. Sorry, the door was opened, and
this is my room(Didn’t think that one up but the lie
make sense oh! )

At this moment, I wanted to feel like a king, as I
thought the girls will start begging because it
was an abomination(Not to me sha ) but who
sigh? .. She just looked at me like a piece of sh….it
and said “Same to you”.. Chai! If you saw those
eyes ehhhh, you go fear fear!!!!.. To some extent I
thought she detected I was confirm Ajekpako
forming Ajebota (Even alcohol couldn’t make me
take those eyes for granted ) but she no be winch
na? Shey? Abi she nor know say wetin she dey do
na crime?