Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 3

Esther was a final year student of Convenant
University, studying Business Administration, or so
I heard when I eavesdropped on my uncle. She was
tall, fair in complexion, some desirable lips and a
madt dimple contrasted with an tooth gap, when
she smiles, you will think she is the most caring
human on earth.. ( Guys, Don’t be deceived by
smiles ohhhh abeg!!!! ). Couldn’t determine the
size of her b0s0ms because she can sabi package,
but she had an Bottom I once thought of while self-
servicing. Trouble!!!!!!!!!

She comes to lagos straight from school before
going to Abuja where their(My Inlaw n her
sibblings) parents are based, but this december,
she wanted to stay in Lagos for reasons I didn’t
care to know because she was just a spoilt brat!.
Sometimes I looked at her and pitied the husband
that was gonna marry her. But anyhow, “I must use
Asamoah’s style to blackmail this beensh”.

That was
what I thought in less than 3seconds.
“Danladi what is this?” She asked looking at my
Lagbaja, still in its mask with a face like ” ” ..

Damn! That was too direct. I said in my wandering
mind, before I could explain myself, she shunned
me, smiled and said:
“Where is my breakfast? I need to eat before I take
this anti-malaria”..
Like seriously? , Esther smiled at me? Those
dimples just went in, giving way for the gap tooth
to shine at me? Because of why nah? Why? Malaria?

Food? See this liar ohhhh! She nor know say I be
walking Lying detecting machine.
All these were on my mind, “I refused to be bribed
like this”, I said to myself. So I told her where the
food was, still trying to cover my hellrection.

She said “Naurrie Boy”, turned around and left,
with another smile!!. Blood Of Goat!!!!!, another
smile? I frowned my face like shittt and popped the
million dolar question “ESTHER, WHERE IS BROS
ABU?” With some balloteli’s 2012Euro Cup Stand..

She paused, puzzled and shocked.. Looked at me
with one hell of “WTF” on her face.
At this moment, I was feeling like the Puppet
Master(Can’t remember where I knew that f.a.g
sha). I had Esther right at my palms, I finally had
her like Asamoah had his Dad’s drivers. I was so
elated that lagbaja got jealous and deflated like a
baloon.(Scientists better look for explanations to
there mysteries surrounding the man tools.)
“What kind of a question is that? Which Abu are you
talking about? And how dare you call my name in
such a tone? Have you gone nuts or you think you
are talking to your sister huh?” These were JAMB
questions I got, and to make the matter worst, she
asked these questions in a very low tone, thats so
not like Esther. So I thought to myself that she
didn’t want someone to hear us, definitely making
her guilty. So I said “YOU THINK I DIDN’T SEE
YOU TWO?”..

This point, she was furious but she didn’t have the
energy to slap me as she used to do, so I thought
this was all from the bleep she got, she was
exhausted. (Yeah! I wrote bleep sha ). But a Jack
Sparrow Voice came to me like an angel and said
“Hey silly, she is 22, Abu is 30+ but single, you
think you can blackmail her?”..

This was when I realised I have allowed vengeance
take over me, so I apologised, told her I was just
trying to play with her because she looked weak
and sick. This was when a clue entered! She had
malaria, she was in her nighties at 2pm, I didn’t see
her this morning. But damn, how come her hair was
scattered? “I don’t have your time now, don’t
ever pull a psychological joke on me ever in your
life, you get it init?”.. YES! MAH!!!!, I exclaimed as I
answered her like I was a cadet and she my
commandant.

I left the kitchen entrance embarrassed as I went
straight up to wear a Kaftan (long sleeved shirt),
immediately I wore it, I headed straight to the store
room and b@nged the door oppened..

Ladies and gentlemen, the previous Record of The
Shock of the Year was once again broken on the
same day.. I had a new Shock of the year!!!!