Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 8

Got to the party at exactly 7:50pm, got down with
my borrowd Chuck Taylors(Original Ones oh!). But
Faith remained inside.
“Guy! Where the greenspring babe?” I asked
Asamoah again.

Pardon the convo please? why I dey beg una self?
Asamoah: You be Banku pah, you want greenspring
girls when you have some caged Hot beenshes
right in your house?
Me: (startled) I nor understand you oh A$AP.

Asamoah: Charly, those two girls in private
universities that leaves in the same house with you
na hungry lions!

Me: (laughing) Guy forget, dem too dey form jare.
Asamoah: See you, you dey fall my hand! Anyhow,
Faith is your date, I promised I was gonna peg
you with her if she tweets about the party
At this moment, I wasn’t sure of the feelings I was
showcasing. Was I shocked? Happy? Sad? Or Just
indifferent?.. Like she retweeted to be pegged with
me? That hot girl? Why? I no reach her class nah!

Person wey Lynxx, Wizkid and Dbanj dey follow for
twitter? Chai! Self Esteem ran from 20% to 120%.
“Guy nor use me play oh! Nor just try am”. I said
with a smiley face. Praying hard that he doesn’t say
he was joking. He punched me on my chest teasing
me with words I didn’t even hear.
“Asap wia d booze na? Dispensers are ready”,
michael shouted standing at the gate of the house.

Asamoah went to the boot to take the drinks he got
and took them inside saying “Ladi, remember, One
Boy, One Girl, go and win your ticket manl.

I tried tweeting at her but damn! Network was bad.

I went to open the car and there she was, sitting
and tweeting. “Ok, those are the best laps I have
seen so far since ummm.. Today? ” I shouted with
the little morale I got from Asamoah as she looked
at me with a smile and said “That is one”..

*Convo
Me: Aha! Ok, Nice Dress
Faith: I know, that was why I wore it.

Me: (motivated) Ok! I will say it.
I guess she was crushing on the ever Blunt twitter
character I possessed. So I tried being blunt in a
funny way.

She placed her palm by her ear(sign that she is
listening) and said “Oya!”.
*Convo
Me: Ok, you knew I was gonna be your date and
you wore this brea.st packaging dress? Knowing
fully well I might loose my senses of sense? (I said
with a “YOLO” face).
Faith: Like you lost it in my A$$ this evening right?
Me: (shocked and laughing) Damn! You a sense
finder?
Faith: Nope! The mirror by the window detected a
lost sense I guess.

Me: That’s sad, because I am yet to retrieve that
sense. (The humour exchanges were getting boring,
so I opted out before it died).
Me: So, is my ticket to my first official big budget
party ready to be checked? Seems I got a VVVIP
ticket.

Faith: Sure, but tickets can’t walk you know?
Me: Ayaaaay! This aint what I am thinking right?
Make I carry you?
Faith: (laughing) No Dummy, take me to the ticket
counter.
“In Just 20mins, I don turn my real twitter self? And
this girl is crushing on me? Chai! I must phuck(dis-
virgin) before 2012 finish!!! I must show Aunty
Joyce!!, Esther must pay for making me tag myself
a Houseboy. Oga Abu must be paying me monthly
salary”.
These were thoughts I had as I walked through the
hefty HFP officials paid to be bouncers for the
night. Thanks to Asamoah and this Faith, my self
esteem is high. And am balling with rich kids. Won’t
be surprised if Jimoh Ibrahim, or Inegbeniki’s kids
attended the party self .

9pm.

Party was jamming, girls were everywhere and
booze were pouring out of the water dispenser like
it was ummm.. Water I guess . Faith saw one or
two of her school mates there and was discussing
with them, and I was chilling with Tobby, the
supposed DJ right inside the mini bar in the sitting
room. We were in the same Technical crew in
church, so standing beside him wasn’t new to both
of us.
“You dey bassz n Gasz?” Tobby shouted in my ears.

I looked at him and shouted back into his ear: “No!
What of you?” (Bassz=Drinking, Gasz=Smoking).
He laughed and said “EL- O- EL (LOL)”. I wasn’t
focused on what he was saying anyway, all I
wanted to know was the exact location of my
Ticket. Not like I saw anyone smoking on the dance
floor.

I was letting my eyes wander about looking for faith
when I saw a very drunk Yvonne in a skimpy short
gown that made me forget faith for an instant.
“Hi Danladi”, she said as she punched me on my
chest.

A strong alcoholic odour swayed in from her mouth
as Tobby laughed and said “That’s what am talking
about baby”.

Yvonne was Asamoah’s junior sister. More like a
half sister (she was gonna be 17 by January) as
Asamoah was his mom’s last born. Yvonne was born
out of wedlock but her mom was known as the
second wife. Like Asamoah, she just finished her
whatever exam they said they write in
Greensprings (I hear say dem no dey write waec
) and she was to travel to london for the
continuation of her studies. Oh! She made me
conclude Asamoah’s Sisters were endowed at the
“BackYANSH”.
“Oh common! Don’t wait on the lady inviting you to
the dancefloor naurrie boy, she might not ask you
know?” Yvonne whispered in my ears with one hell
of a seductive voice. Omo! Na so Lagbaja begin dey
sing oh!! Come dey vex say he wan commot for
mask.
“That altered my ego you know? Oya lead the way”.

I said in a much manner I believed to be a “drunk”
me as I winked at Tobby. She held my hand at the
back, just above her A$$ as she led me through the
dance floor.
Something came over me that made me grabbed
her super huge A$$ and the only thing I expected
was a slap on my face. Didn’t really care of what
might happened though, all I thought was “That’s a
super soft A$$!!!!!!!”.