Echoes Of The Heart

Episode 35

You should see her, she really hates me and holds me responsible for what happened. There is no way someone can dislike another person that much based off something they made up…there’s just no way.”
“You never questioned anything because you never spoke to anyone about it,” Ted provided.

“I never did,” Sibu said in a whispered voice, a faraway expression on her face and with tears falling from her eyes.
Why had she never questioned anything? Her thoughts went back to all those times she had had conversations with Aunt Tafadzwa over her mother’s death. Now that she thought about it, her aunt had every reason to lie to her…she just didn’t know why she would feel justified in tormenting her own niece in the most cruel way possible.

Seeing her like that broke Ted’s heart. He brought her into his arms and held her there tightly. He wanted to take the pain away from her and shoulder it in her stead.

As if a sudden thought had occurred to her, Sibu tilted her body away from Ted’s and looked at him with a tear stained face. “If that’s not how my mother died, how then did she die?” she asked.

“That’s what we need to find out. If my suspicions are correct, it means your aunt had something to do with the actual death of your mother and she forced you to take responsibility because she needed to shift the blame from herself. Did you ever find out what sort of people you used to hang out with before the accident?”
“There was no one for me to ask,” Sibu answered. “My aunt moved us to a whole new neighborhood immediately after my mother’s death. I have no recollection whatsoever of who used to be my friend.”

Ted was wrapped up in deep thought as he mulled over what Sibu had just told him. He got up from the bed and went to stand by the window. He pulled the curtain half way and opened the window so he could feel some fresh air over his face.

Sibu remained seated on the bed looking at his back.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked him.

Ted slowly turned to face her. “I want to know the truth Sibu,” he said. “I wont believe for a second that you are capable of doing what your aunt claims you did.”
“What if I had really been that sort of person Ted,” her voice was heavy with worry and fear. “One of the reasons I stopped myself from asking any more questions is because I was scared of finding out the truth…then it would be like experiencing everything all over again. What if I only changed out of guilt for what I had done? Maybe…maybe I subconsciously know what I did and I changed my personality because of regret. I was a teenager…anything is possible.”

Ted was busy shaking his head the whole time she was talking. “No way, that’s not possible.” He insisted. “You mentioned seeing a psychiatrist earlier,”
Sibu nodded. “I saw one behind Martin’s back.”

“Did she ever try to help you regain your memory?”
“She wanted to…but I was too scared to try. I wanted the nightmares to go away so I thought she could help me without me having to remember what happened…but it didn’t work.”

Ted then moved back to the bed and sat on the edge, one leg crossed over the other. “Your nightmares,” he said. “What do you see in your dreams?”
“There’s one main one that comes every now and then,” she explained. “But then every once in a while I have one that’s so confusing. My age changes in these nightmares, sometimes I am young, about five, sometimes ten, and sometimes I am fourteen years old. One minute I am standing alone on this dirty street in the middle of nowhere…it’s like a neighborhood somewhere but it’s so dark I can’t see clearly,”
she had her eyes shut as she tried to recall the elements of her dreams.
“There are these funny sounds around, they are scary but every time I turn to look I find nothing. I always feel like something huge and heavy is coming to grab on to me and right before it does, a woman appears out of nowhere and holds me by the hand. The scary thing instantly disappears and I am not scared anymore.

“I cannot make out the woman’s face. I am looking up and trying to see her face but there is so much light from somewhere out of nowhere that I can’t make out her face. But just as I am starting to feel comfortable and safe, the woman suddenly disappears and I find myself standing in a whole different street.

“Unlike the street before, this one is clean but instead of a neighborhood, this one is on a highway. Cars are moving in all directions. Next thing I know one moment, they all suddenly disappear and the day changes into night and I am still standing all alone in that same spot rooted to the ground. I cannot move, literally. There’s a car heading towards me with a full beam on and the driver accelerates the closer he gets…or she gets to me. I can feel the ground below me suddenly start to crack but I cannot move because I am scared….”

Sibu is writhing in fear as she talks and there’s sweat on her forehead now. Ted reaches out to her and places his hands on her shoulders.

“I am here with you Sibu,” he says to her softly, pressing his hands deeper into her skin so she can feel his presence. “You are safe,” he assures her. “I am right here.”
Sibu managed to calm down and she continues, “The ground is about to open wide open and I am trying to reach out for something but there is nothing there. I am crying and praying for someone to help me but no one comes. Just as the car is about to run me over, I wake up.” And she opened her eyes in stark relief, her breathing high and heavy.

Ted moved his hands so he can hold hers and then he says to her, “And you always wake up just before the car hits you?”
“Yes…when there is no one there to wake me up, I struggle in that same spot for a long time and the car somehow never hits me until I succeed in waking myself up right before it comes.”

“What did your shrink say could be the meaning of the dream?”
“Fear…she said there is something I must be scared of in my life…or that it might have something to do with what I cannot remember. I never told her about the accident so I figured she must be right. It has something to do with the accident. She couldn’t give me a proper diagnosis because I wouldn’t open up to her about everything.”

“What do you think about trying again?” Ted suggested.
“Therapy?” Sibu asked. “You want me to remember what happened that day?” There was fear in her eyes. “I don’t know Ted….”
“I understand why you might be scared Sibu,” Ted was saying. “But I am here with you now. You are not alone. And I told you before, I don’t care what you think you did in your past. I promise I wont let you get hurt while we try to find out what really happened. I need you to trust me. Can you do that for me…for us Sibu?” he pleaded.
Sibu reluctantly nodded.

“Thank you,” Ted said, grabbing her into a hug. “I am going to be with you throughout this ordeal. Just trust me and let me take care of everything.”
“What are you planning to do” Sibu was suddenly feeling hopeful.

“I am going to get a few days off work and travel to Lusaka.”
“Shouldn’t we go together?”
“I don’t think it’s necessary right now. I just want to confirm with the police first if there’s any record of that accident and then I will go to that bus station and your old neighborhood as well. I am sure there will be one person there who at least remembers something.”
“How are you going to manage to do all that alone?” She asked.
Ted was smiling at her bemusedly. “Are you that worried about me?” he asked. “Now you are not afraid to show your feelings ey. I have a couple of people I trust that can take care of certain things. Don’t worry about it.”

In response, Sibu wrapped her arms around him from behind.

That gesture on her part almost brought tears to Ted’s eyes. He patted her hand lightly before resting his head on her arms from the front.

They stayed like that for a while.