Echoes Of The Heart

Episode 39

The disappointment in his eyes ran deeper than the human eye could see. “I am just dying to know, why was it so easy for Ted? What is it about Ted that made you put down your guard and bare out your soul to him?”
Sibu could not come up with a response. She had lowered her gaze and kept her focus on the glass of juice in front of her.

“As someone that was married to you…someone you never gave a chance to at least help heal whatever scars you’ve been carrying all these years, I deserve to know why I never stood a chance.” He implored her.

Instead of answering him, Sibu started crying. The guilt had finally gotten to her.
“Is it that bad?” Martin asked upon seeing the tears streaming down her face. “Did you really think so little of me that the thought of revealing it to me makes you cry?”
“It’s not like that Martin,” she tried to wipe away the tears with the back of her hands.

“Here,” Martin had taken a hanker from his pocket and la!d it on the table in front of her.
“I am sorry Martin,” she cried some more, trying hard to keep her voice down so as not to attract attention. She grabbed the hanker and quickly wiped away the tears.
“Sibu,” Martin tentatively reached his hands across the table but she kept hers to herself, shaking her head slowly .
“I remember,” Sibu was saying. “That time we met at that restaurant in town in Lusaka…you mentioned something about this as well but I just didn’t want to think about it. It was so easy for me to place all the blame on you…on everyone else except myself. I always thought I had a reason for doing things the way I did but not once did I try to explain my reasons to you…or to anyone else.” She lamented.
“You are right,” Sibu continued. “If I had opened up instead of keeping things to myself…if I had given you a chance instead of waiting for you to disappoint me…maybe things would have turned out differently between us. I was so wrapped up in my own world I did not realize that my actions were hurting you in the process.”
“Sibu,” Martin called out her name. Sibu stopped talking and looked at him, her eyes filled with tears.
“What was going on in your life that was so bad you felt I would not understand if you opened up to me?”

Finally, here was a chance to tell him what he had deserved to know all those years ago.
Sibu finally opened up to her ex-husband and told him everything.

Suffice to say, Martin was left befuddled by the information Sibu had poured out to him.
“My gosh Sibu,” Martin said once Sibu was done with the story. “You really have a way of making a man feel like the worst b—–d to have ever lived. What sort of man had I been to you to make you believe that I would have not understood if you had opened up to me and told me all of this a long time ago?”
“I am sorry Martin,” Sibu replied, the sincerity in her eyes tore deeper into Martin’s heart. “It was just my fears and insecurities,” she explained. “You have to understand, at that time I didn’t know as much as I know now.”

“And yet you still managed to confide in Ted and had him help you dig out the truth? I too wish I had been given the same chance.”
Every part of Sibu was soaked in guilt. “I know,” she openly admitted. “I know that now. I wish I had a better excuse Martin….”
“Me too Sibu, me too.” Martin echoed her.
“I am very sorry Martin,” Sibu repeated. “I wish I had a better reason to give…but things just happened like that. I don’t know why it was so easy for me to open up to Ted…all I know is that at that time, I couldn’t make sense of why someone like you would be interested in me? Even though it was obvious your feelings were real, I just couldn’t let go of my fears. I kept expecting things to fail I guess that was why I gave up so easily. I was so scared that you might find out what I thought was the truth about me and then leave.

“When you live with a secret like that, you always have to be on your toes…always cautious just in case you get discovered. I didn’t have enough confidence that you would understand. I mean, how could you? I too thought I was guilty of what my aunt told me. I still haven’t recovered my memories from that time and if not for that neighbor whom Ted spoke to that used to be close to my mother and aunt, it would still just be my word against my aunt’s. I am truly sorry Martin…now I know…”

“I wish I could say it’s alright but it isn’t.” Martin replied. “It really is not okay Sibu. Unfortunately, it is a little too late for me right now. It just breaks my heart to know that all that was going on in your life and I had no idea.”

“I am sorry Martin,” Sibu repeated.
“Then again, I guess you could say I never created an environment for you where you could feel free to talk to me about such things.”

“No Martin,” Sibu moved to sit next to him and proceeded to take his hand into her. “This is all my fault. Now I know. I was young and dumb and so insecure back then. I didn’t trust myself enough so how could I trust someone else?”

Martin then fully turned to face her. “What if we could make things right Sibu?” he asked. “Now that we know where we both went wrong, don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to at least work things out?”
“Martin,” Sibu started to protest but Martin could see her message in her eyes before she could even finish.

“Please hear me out,” he pleaded. “I really love you Sibu and I know now that there was a time you loved me enough to worry about losing me. There is no way I am going to let you go now after everything I have heard today. I can only imagine where we would be today if only you had opened up to me and allowed yourself to love me without all those inhibitions.”
“There is no way for us to know how you would have reacted if I told you that I wasn’t the person you thought I was.” Sibu argued.

The disappointment was back in Martin’s eyes. “I see,” he stated painfully. “Even now, you still have so little faith in me.”
“That’s not what I meant Martin and you know it.”
“What do I even know Sibu, what?” he growled. “No matter what I do or say it will never be as good as Ted. Am I lying?”
Sibu sighed heavily.
“Whatever you think about me Sibu, I don’t care and I don’t even want to know.” Martin said sternly, slightly leaning forward to deliver the message close to her face.
“I have spent the past three years trying to make amends for what I did,” Martin was saying. “Now it’s your turn Sibu. You owe it to yourself, to me and to our son. If you think that I am going to leave you and Ted be, then I suggest to give up right now because I am not going anywhere.
“I will do everything in my power to resurrect those feelings you had for me at one point in your life.” And whilst tapping on the table with his car keys he added, “I will try even if it keeps me. I promise you.” He then opened up his wallet, took out a couple of bills and threw them on the table before walking out.

With a heavy heart reflected through her eyes, Sibu watched Martin’s determined back disapear from the restaurant.
When she left him, she had promised Ted that she would cleanly end things between her and Martin, how was she going to explain just how complicated things had gotten? She rested her face into the palm of her hand and sighed heavily.

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Everything around her had come to a standstill and only Veronica’s high pitched voice echoed though the four walls of the now empty restaurant.

“If your mission was to come here and insult me, you could have at least gotten your wardrobe choice right.” The woman’s bloody lips taking up half of her face and the long fake lashes threatening to drown the rest of it made it even harder for Sibusiswe to look at her.

Was that the kind of beauty they kept talking about these days? Sibu thought.

“All those pearls and fancy clothes make you look pathetic and ridiculous.” Veronica continued her attack.

Sibusiswe could only shake her heard as she took in the insults. There was something about Veronica’s face that made her look as if she had been born naturally drunk and upset. She could literally feel her IQ figures drop in numbers just from listening to the woman run her mouth.

“I find it hard to get offended when classy looking people attack me,” the ghetto born diva continued her attack on Sibusiswe.
“I didn’t ask to meet you so I could attack you,” Sibusiswe said, still maintaining her poise – much to Veronica’s chagrin.
“There you go again,” Veronica was close to snapping now, her long reptile-like nails digging into the beautiful expensive furniture of the high class restaurant. She hated everything about the restaurant her nemesis had picked just to reel her in. “That tone of voice,” her venom-like tongue hissed, “how the hell am I supposed to feel offended when you sound so melodic and corny?”

Sibusiswe couldn’t help laughing. “You seem to be under the impression that I came here for an attack,” she said. “I don’t think I have ever given you any reason to feel like that. If anything, I have been more than civil during all our interactions. You on the other hand have done nothing but antagonize me every step of the way. If anyone was looking at us, they would think I was the other woman.”

Veronica rolled her big round eyes, forcing Sibusiswe to move her drink away lest one of her gigantic eye lashes decided to take a dive in there in protest.

It can’t be easy for the pair to try to make a woman like Veronica look beautiful, Sibu laughed silently.

Those poor lashes… she sympathized.

Perhaps she would have felt a little less offended if her husband had left her for a better woman. She didn’t even have to be good looking. She just had to be easy on the eye and clean. Just how many layers of make-up did the eye have to beat to get to the woman’s actual skin? The make-up was literally wearing her, not the other way round.
“I can hear you thinking awful things about me,” Veronica put her arms across her chest defensively. “It must hurt your pride knowing your husband left you for a woman like me, er?”

Sibusiswe smiled wryly. “As a matter of fact it does, I won’t lie.”

Veronica looked confused, not sure whether to get offended or not. Why did her already tiny IQ shrink every time she was faced with this woman?
“Having said that,” Sibusiswe continued, “I don’t regret the divorce. I only feel bad for….”

Veronica raised her hand to shut her nemesis up. “I am really not a fan of yours Sibu and I would pay any amount of money just to get you to shut up so I can leave. The only reason I agreed to this meeting is because you and I need to come to a conclusion about Jacob. I am not comfortable with this arrangement of my husband constantly having to meet you whenever he is picking up or dropping off Jacob.”
“When are you going to get over your insecurities Veronica?” Sibu asked. “Martin and I have been divorced for over four years now. Apart from Jacob, I have no other business whatsoever with him. Unlike some women, I don’t find married men attractive. They reek of another woman whenever I am talking to them.”
“You might think that but Martin is a very kind man,” Veronica was saying. “He might still have lingering feelings…you are the mother of his child after all.”
“You’ve been with Jacob’s father for eight years now, four of which were during the time he was still married to me…and you are telling me you still don’t know him that well?” Sibu asked.

Veronica shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “What do you mean?” She flapped her lashes at her rival.

“Martin is not a kind man. You can call him anything else…but kind isn’t one of them.” Sibisiswe replied. “Anyway, I didn’t ask to have this meeting with you so we could talk about your husband.” She deliberately stressed the words. “I want us to talk about something you might actually find pleasing.”
“And what is that?”

“From now on wards, I would like it if you were the one responsible for Jacobs welfare…and by that I mean bringing him back to my place after his visits to you. I do not wish to have any more contact with Martin.”

Veronica took a moment to mull over what she had just heard. Again, she wasn’t sure whether to be happy or concerned about such a development. Isn’t that what she had always hoped for? She had been on Martin’s neck the past years trying to get him to let her take charge of that situation but he never relented.

What was really going on here? Something didn’t seem right.

If you even knew half of it, you would be using your fake lashes to hang yourself woman, Sibusiswe thought as she watched Veronica silently battle her demons.
“Is this what they call in the movies psychology reverse?” Veronica asked.

Sibusiswe had to hold her hand to her mouth to keep herself from laughing out loud. “It’s actually….forget it,” she gave up teaching the vixen. It wasn’t her job anyway. “I am being sincere with you Veronica,” Sibu said.

“Martin might still have a soft spot for you but he would never leave me for you. I am not the kind of woman to get her husband stolen by another woman. I always protect what’s mine.”

Sibusiswe scoffed once again. “You know what’s funny,” she said in a very calm yet menacing tone. “That Martin will not be coming back to me by my own doing. With your own tongue, you will beg him to get back with me.”
“Keep on dreaming,” Veronica hissed. “Over my dead body, you get it? Over my dead body.” And then she got up to leave.
“If you say so,” Sibusiswe replied nonchalantly, looking out the window towards the blue Jaguar still parked in the same spot.