Hidden Dreams

Episode 10

Jay…
” Jared Zimba , come to my office I want to talk to you.” The commerce teacher called out as she walked outside of our classroom. She had given us a second test after the end of the topics and I failed them both.
It was now evident that I wasn’t a bright pupil in my class. I practically failed all the mid term tests and slowly I started withdrawing.
My friend John noticed how I was finding it difficult to catch up on my studies but I wasn’t willing to open up to him.
I walked to the business studies department to see the teacher for commerce.
After knocking softly, I heard her soft voice calling me in.
” Jared,” she sighed looking up from the file in front of her.
” Yes madam,” I responded standing a couple of steps from her.

” come on sit down” she smiled slightly showing me a chair across the table. .
” I have observed how you have performed in the last tests I have given to your class. Now I hear You have been through grade 11 before. I don’t know why you find the contents so difficult. Do you have anything you want to tell me? Are you having any particular problems with my subject?” She asked calmly looking at me.
I shook my head.

” what is it then? Talk to me Jared are you having any problems settling in?” She went on.
I looked down without words. She wasn’t the only teacher talking about my poor performance. I over head them talk one day when I was passing by the staff room.
“He seems like a good boy” one of the teachers had said.

” oh well what do you expect the boy is obviously a spoilt little boy who is used to having all the luxury and he doesn’t even understand the importance of being in school” another one responded.
” he’s probably a problem child no wonder they had to send him to this school. Far away from home and the luxury. Well they have not solved a thing as the boy is completely out of school league. He can’t pass a single subject even if he speaks very fluent and good English he cant put his words on paper.”
I had heard all the comments and I rushed back forgetting to go and ask for the teacher who told me to go and see him that day.
So here I was now in front of the commerce teacher and I felt she too had the same perception.

Deep in my heart I still felt confined and the fact that the past weeks I had avoided going near the dance club made it even worse. John had been dragging me to his club but I was always not getting used to being around them. Especially that all the guys in the club seemed so aquinted with what they were doing and all I could manage come up with was a simple box with a theory that it would kill a cockroach, as cockroaches would die when inclosed in a dark place.

Who ever gave me the idea, I couldn’t recall but when I tried it, indeed after some minutes a cockroach had died and I called it a cockroach killer. I recall how some guys made fun of my small project. John encouraged me to continue and I only went ahead because he stood by me and helped me out.
” I don’t know madam, I told her honestly.”

She talked to me for a while and told me she would give me some remedial lessons as she expected me to pass the end of term exams.
That day I left her office more drained than encouraged. Even though she was trying to be polite, I could tell her words somehow connected with what everyone was saying about me.

The following day was Saturday, so I woke up early and took my clothes for washing.
I had just finished hanging them on the line when I saw Ms Jere walk to our hostels.
I tried to hide lest she asks about my decision to join her club.