Hidden Dreams

Episode 4

One day as I lay in my bedroom staring at nothing. Aunty Nelly walked in and sat on my bed.

“Jay, my boy. What is going on with You?” She asked in her calm voice. I turned to look at her and she frowned.
“What is it Aunty Nelly? I didn’t say anything is wrong with me.” I smiled sheepishly.

” You have become this naughty boy all of a sudden. You used to be a good boy. You never answered back at your parents. But now you don’t regard your mother. You always come late and is always running away from your father. I hear You even skip school these days. The driver told me he drops you at school everyday but reports from your school say you are absent most of the days. You can talk to me son” she patted my hand.
” Well, am just tired of everything Aunty Nelly, I hate every thing about my life and sometimes I just wish I could vanish into thin air. I feel suffocated here and at school am tired of always being looked at as this dull boy who can’t pass even a simple subject. I got suspended indefinitely and am here stuck at home..” I raised my hands.

“My father won’t even talk to me. You know what though”, I sighed sitting up. .”am actually glad they suspended me. I feel relieved I don’t have to face those people at that school. And for my father. I really think I stopped existing to him since the day he discovered he gave birth to a son who can never pass a single exam.” I expressed myself to the woman before me.
I expected her to tell me off but I was shocked she smiled at me.
” come here, lets take a walk to the garden” she told me and held my hand to stand up.

I stood and walked with her past the living room where my sister’s sat watching some movies.

” I had a son like you,” she started.
” You did” I asked surprised. How come we never see him around and you have never bothered to bring him here?
” Well, it’s a long story. My child” my son should have been 30 years old this year. ”
” what happened? You said should have?” I asked impatiently.

Aunty Nelly smiled calmly but in a way that I sensed she was hiding some deep pain.
” Yeah, he died about 12 years ago before I came to work for your parents. Back in my village” she started and I stood frozen.
” oh God what happened to him.? Am sorry aunty Nelly I never knew you had to go through that all these years. How come you never said anything to me?” I asked her as we sat down on the bench in the garden.
It was a cold afternoon but the surrounding in the garden looked amazing as the small flowers were sprout and the green onions the gardener had planted where green.
I watched aunty Nelly relax as she evidently pushed back her tears. Her face now getting a little older and some two lines forming down her eyes.

” my son was 2 years younger than you when he died. He was a very strong boy. A good fisherman. Him and my husband where always out fishing and he loved it so much. He however had another deep desire. He always wanted to dance and sing.”

“What! I sat up. Dance? ” I asked. I had not expected it. I mean hearing another man had a passion to dance. I sometimes thought here in Zambia i was the only one with a crazy dream.

” Yeah,” she smiled.”My son just like you loved dancing so much. Of course not the kind of dance you do. What do you call It? She asked with a laugh.

” Ballroom dance” I smiled raising my hand.

” mnmmm yeah not that one. He was a traditional dancer and back in our village in Luapula a man was defined by his ability to either hunt or fish. Not the stupid dancing. My husband back then and I tried all we could to talk him out of it but it all fall on deaf eyes.
He one day ran away from home and joined a dancing group in the city and that was the last I saw of my beautiful boy.”

I saw aunty Nelly shed a tear and I moved closer and hugged her. She was indeed hurting and I felt bad I had to insist she told me more.

” So so what happened to him?” I asked when she was calm.

She stood up and walked to the small orange tree, twisting the leaves. ” he was found dead along the road. We just saw some police officers at our village. They came to give us that sad news and told us our son was killed by some gang members who wanted the money he had made that night dancing in the show. You know what hurt the most.? I wished I had a chance to accept his dream and let him do as he desired. Maybe he wouldn’t have ran away and got killed. Up to date I still can’t forgive myself for his death.
I contributed to his dying cause I couldn’t accept my son’s passion. My husband and I always fought about it. We blamed each other day and night and he become unbareable when he started drinking a lot. I ran away from the village and that’s how I found myself here. My friend helped me get this job.” She sighed…

“Well, Aunty Nelly I didn’t know. It’s so sad am truly sorry for that. It’s really a sad story and I dont know what to tell you really,” I whispered to her.
she wiped her tears and smiled. ” you remind me of my son so much Jay. I know you love dancing and am sad to see that over the days You have even stopped dancing. You are killing your dream and thats why you are so angry. You need to let yourself out my son, not everyone will understand but you have to accept who you really are.”

” who am I Aunty? ” I asked weakly. ” i I don’t think I know that now. For starters my parents will never understand me. You see how they rebuke me over this dancing. They used to allow me dance when I was a kid but now they won’t hear the word ” dance” from my lips without getting mad at me” I complained as I sat back in the chair.
” follow your heart my boy, I don’t want you to end up like my son. If you don’t let it out you will kill yourself slowly and by the time you realise it, it will be too late. Don’t let the world define you. You have a heart of your own and it will guide you. Try to get your parents understand” she added and kissed my forehead before walking back to the house leaving me staring at the green onions.
For some hour or so I stayed in the garden. Aunty Nelly’s words ringing in my mind. But I couldn’t figure out the way of telling my parents I wanted to dance . I just couldn’t.
I walked back to the house defeated. I totally lost hope of being happy. Even when the words of aunty Nelly kept banging on my heart. I still felt confined.

A week past and my parents weren’t talking to me. I decided to stay in my room and do nothing. When I got out I would walk down the road aimlessly and watch people walk or drive by.