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Episode 15

“Nyanya N150.”
Some drivers could be so wicked. Going to Maraba is N100, Nyanya goes at same price but everything tripled that night. Nyanya became 150, Maraba N200. Kai
. I was really angry. I had budgeted the money given to me by Madam so aint no way I am forming big boy o. I waited and waited before this El-rufai came o. El-Rufai (Abuja) = BRT (Lagos). Na so I push, drag, pinch before I succeed enter inside car. Everywhere dey full and na to stand na im remain.

Na so I stand for car o, car begin drive, we reach AYA realize say na from there hold-up start from. Men, na so my leg pain me till we reach Nyanya. Na from there I climb another car. I reach Maraba I don already tire finish. Men, I just dey come down, I comot Phone call this chick tell her say I don reach, na so she shout give me. Men, I begin happy o as she tell me say she don cook finish. She been think say I go disappoint her. Damn
 Me? For free toto, food and bed? Maka gini


I had crossed over the road to the other side clutching tightly on my phone. I had made the first call codedly so I was not planing on risking it the second time. Those guys with eagle eyes must have sighted me. The boys dey snatching phone from car wey dey drive 120 km/h, my own go be play be that na. I remember when them been collect my phone. I been dey use one confirm express music and I just landed Abuja newly. I was leaving for the hotel I was employed in very early in the morning. I had brought out my phone to download games. I never knew one of them phone-snatchers saw me. The guy trailed the car till it was about to leave the hold up. He struck, kai, I held my phone tight but he twisted my fingers and removed it from my hand.

I been think say heart attack wan catch me. Na so my phone carry go? Everybody for car begin tell me sorry. Even the mumu driver dey tell me talk say him been wan tell me but im mind comot from there. As I reach work begin yan people the story, all of them come dey tell me say na mumu I be. Me? mumu? Sake of say person force phone comot from my hand o. I no blame them. How I for do am? CHase am when my seat belt (I sat on the front passenger seat) hold me down like captured goat?

As soon as I entered into the park, I went straight to where bikes were parked. Picked one, bargained and hopped on it. I was feeling the gently breeze that brushed my face as the journey progressed.
“brrrrrrrrr”

My Nokia begin ring. I pick am look the name. Choi, my belle sweet me die. Na one confirm babe wey me dey like for Nairaland na her dey call. I pick call begin yan with her but along the line she begin tell me say she no dey hear me. I tell her say make she call me later say I dey on top of bike dey go house. For where?

I got to Assemblies of God at Aso, picked my phone confidently since the phone snatchers don’t operate in the inner part of Maraba and called this girl. She picked it at the first ring. Minutes later she appeared. Na so she wear one blue top on top (lol) black skirt come carry head-tie cover herself like Hausa girl.

“Attai, I miss you.”
Miss? When we see?
“Me too.”

She come hug me. Na so signal waka enter my brain because her kind of hugging na the one wey them dey carry hand take hold preek.
“where is your place?”
I no wan waste time o.

“It’s over there. We have to be quiet about it. I don’t want my landlord finding out.”
I only nodded and allowed her lead me through twists and turns of the ghetto looking Maraba. We entered into her compound and straight into her room. The place looked like the normal student abi na spinster room self. Bed on the rug carpet, bags hanging on the wall, a wardrobe full of clothes. Tell me why women like clothes pass men. The most beautiful thing in the room was the pot that was still steaming on the fire. The aroma wasn’t clear though.

“Please take that pot outside. I hate smoke”

I complained to her which she quickly did. She came back to meet me laughing over the phone. The female Nairalander stayed on the call for close to 20 minutes after which I bade her goodnight with sweet words. Jeez, this babe was right there. She did not interrupt the call. She waited for me to finish.

“Who was that?”
She asked.
“A friend.”

I replied curtly. It is only women that are allowed to have male friends. Men are not allowed o. You are either with them or with nobody.

“A friend ba? So you keep girlfriend for house wan come fu’u’ck me ba?”

That’s how raw she can get with her mouth o. I was just starting to realize that I had entered one-chance.

“It is not what you think o. Give me food make I eat jor.”

I sort of commanded her. She obliged my request but I refused eating the food until she joined me. I no wan hear say na only my stomach go swell-up. I no care if she hide the anti-dote somewhere.

“Who was that girl you spent so long a time talking to?”

She dropped the question again. I looked at her and swallowed. I had finished eating, gone to bathroom, freshened up and was only putting on my boxers. She had stripped herself n’a’ked and was lying close to me.
If na you, how you wan carry tell her say na “so cute was the bliss” call?


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