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Episode 18

I resumed work feeling fresh and fly. Na so I just
dey run my things like say nothing dey happen. I
don bone Perpetual side for like 4 days now. Which
kind babe self she dey claim abi no be toto she ma get? You go send person recharge card, she go flash you make you call back, then she go tell you
say she don see the card. Most times self, I go just dey wish say I fit just march go her house go collect all the money of the card wey I don buy for her.

“Attai, Attai”
Na wa o. This my colleague no wan free me.
“Yes?”

He come smile like say him don hit jackpot.
“I had a very great vision.”
My ear stand. All my mind be say him don see vision
for me as I take become the first Idoma man to rule
Nigeria. Well, if the country never turn to Arewa,
Biafra and Odua by the time I ready to take the
reins of leadership.

“Really? Tell me about it.”
I come leave wetin I dey type, carry my hand drop
for my chin for full alert.

“I saw myself.”
Kai!!!!

“You get vision for yourself come mean say na me
suppose interpret am for you?”

I asked him. He looked at me like I did not say
anything, instead he resumed his speech.
“You know I am like the assistant pastor in my
church, I am now planning to build my own
church.”

Ahhh…. What plan would one who is still under
tutelage have?

“See, your hell fire no be here. So you dey plan to
rent shop take begin your ministry eh? Choirs and
female members don carry belle finish be that.”

I chided him.
“That’s why you need to change your life. I might
consider you.”

He concluded his speech not minding my
interruption.

“Mtchw… See this man. So you want the two of us
to dupe people? Just say it out. E be like nollywood
don too full your head oo.”

I said to him and decided to face my work.
“See Attai, you won’t understand. The bible says,
Behold I come like a thief in the night.”
That got at me.
“I know. But you should examine your life first.

Remember to remove the log of wood in your eyes
before removing the spec in mine.”
I cautioned him.
“Ehm ehm”

A female voice coughed gently. I lifted my head to
behold a very pretty being. Men, the ways of the
Lord is mysterious.

“Please, can I see Isaiah?”
She asked. Well, who am my not to do my job. I switched to phoney immediately.

“Uhm, he is not around. I believe he should be on
his way back to the office.”

I ended with a sweet smile. My colleague sensing
what I was about doing just shook his head and
went into his office. Kai, who would see the
creature before me and not give her the sweetest
smiles? Most times, you don’t need to talk to some
women, just smile. There are lots and lots of hidden
messages in that smile. She sat down and waited
for the dude she had come to seen.

Minutes later the door flew open. The guy bounced
in but stopped in his track. A look of shock then
surprise then happiness (i be psychic na) flooded
his face. The lady on her own just stood up and flew
into his hands. They did not exchange words o, they
just stood there hugging themselves, then walked
out hand in hand. Me, I felt I had lost out of the
game. Time to concentrate on something better. I
went into my facebook account and began chatting
with the numerous ladies there.
“Can you help me do something?”
It was Isaiah.

“Anything o, as long as I go get my share inside.”

“Kai, Foxy, ba za ka canza ba”
Foxy, you no dey change. (No more hausa)
Me, change? Him no hear wetin Paul talk about
Ethiopians and leopards?

“Haba, you know say you be my man. Anything for
you men”

I replied him. This gladdened his heart. I be winch?

How I carry know self.

“Can you help me prepare a Letter of
Recommendation?”
He asked.

“Of course, why not.”
I just went into my system files, picked one I had
prepared earlier that year, changed the name to Bridget which he had given me, printed and handed
him a pen to sign it. I was that good oo.
“Thanks man. I go buy you beer.”
I only laughed and gave him my famous remarks.

“I don’t drink beer o.”
“Alomo and weed go do be that?”
He asked silently. We understood ourselves
perfectly well. Though the guy is more on the drug
addicted side.

“Big time. Guy, na Boss place we go buy the leaves
from o. You know say him vegetable always dey
fresh.”


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