I Fucked Her

Episode 3

I felt I had struck jackpot. My heart leaped and to be candid with you guys, I saw it performing acrobatics. Chei, I was a circus performer at heart. I was busy smiling when..
“Attai, are you there?”

I heard that beautiful voice again. You know that feeling na? When after walking under a scorching sun, someone gives you very chilled pure-water to drink. You know how you will sip the water little by little to preserve it. That was how I wanted to preserve the moment. I was savouring each sound of her voice.
“I am but my spirit, soul and body transformed by cosmic powers is seated close to you. Angel, your voice can make a man do things that will make the world question him later”

I dropped that one. Seriously, I did not know when I said that. It just came out.
“You are flattering me again ba. Okay, bye”
And did I beg her not to drop the call? Nope. I know say I don get her and nothing she fit do again. She was already within my grip and me, when I hold something wey dey priceless, to leave am dey like big work. I punched the air and screamed, my hand holding my mouth tight. I was boiling over with joy.

“You are celebrating the devil”
My colleague who I believe had been eaves-dropping my conversation suddenly spoke out.
“I will ask God for forgiveness later”
I replied him. He shook his head and went ahead to tell me the story of a man who said he would give his life to Christ at the last minute. He ended up dying in an accident. His head was cut off from his mouth upward. Now that story scare me, na so I open my mouth like say I wan breath, sharpaly exclaim silently sha:
“God forgive me.”

See, na normal thing to pursue woman o, but men, I dey always fear make e no be when I dey give do’g’gy style to babe na im trumpet go blow. How I wan carry explain? Na utmost ffuucckking for hell be that na and I believe say the puussyy go be chuku-chuku. (Una don watch that Liberian girl testimony na)
“See you. Just continue for your misdeed”
He said.

“Your hell-fire go hot pass my own”
I shouted back at him. Office through out that day was fun as I did things that made other workers to stare at me. If you wey I senior just say,

“Attai, abeg help me fetch water make I drink”

Normally, I go use bad eye look then warn you make you no ever make that mistake again. For where. This time, na speed I dey carry go fetch the water. I dey do all those things just for time to run but the time self just stiff die like say earth dey find am difficult to rotate again. Pardon my pidgin. I know say e dey hard una read sometimes.

I waited till closing time, 6:00pm. First time I did not inform my boss I was leaving. I just went to where my bag was kept. Opened it, sprayed my chinese perfume for body. Entered into the restroom, looked at my face and spoke some words of encouragement to me. You know how they say, if you don’t talk to yourself, who will?

I walked outside, entered the lift and stopped at the last floor. From there I proceeded to walk to the bus-stop. I no get car so babes, make una know that one now. I had gotten to NNPC towers when my phone rang. I looked at the screen, it was the same number. I quickly picked it. I waited and the person at the other end waited too. Sensing she wanted to play with me, I opened my mouth…
“Only the sound of your breath is lifting me up here. I can’t wait to look into those lovely eyes and express myself proper to you.”
I thought I had dropped a great line.
“So na you dey disturb my babe!!!”
A voice thicker than Obasanjo’s own spoke from the background.
“Ahh.. Bros, so na you?”

I said stopping dead on my tracks. I had already gotten to my bus stop which is right on the bridge. There you will see cars going directly to Nyanya, Mararaba, Ado, New Nyanya (which happens to be my bus stop) and Masaka.
“Yessss… Na me, any problem?”
He asked. His voice appeared thicker. Me? I was not in the least beat scared o. If him wan form boss, na for himself and na from person hand him collect the toto from. Me ma wan collect the toto from am. I had already gone into my archives to provide what I would use in answering him and trust me, my mouth dey sharp for this kind thing. If na face to face confrontation, I for preach to am but as per say na phone, I go show am say him no suppose to dey pick him girl phone.

“So you are that guy that makes Perpetual cry all the time eh”
I had made my voice stronger, giving it that iron feel. Call me, I will speak in that manner to you if you want (dudes only) but if you are a lady, I will make my voice as soft as the wind. Na so in-between your legs go dey scratch you somehow. No try me, I mean am. My grandpapa teach me the juju well.

“Sorry?”
He was taken aback.
“Sorry for yourself. This is how you guys go around breaking women heart and at the end coming to monitor your sister’s phone”
It came out before I could stop it.
“Mr. Man, she is not my sister. She is my girlfriend.”

He said, his voice sounding loud. I removed my phone from my ear. I would have cut the call but I have the training on managing your anger during call. I can scream at you all I want, you can abuse me all you want but I will never drop the call on you. I will have to say that normal “BYE and Have a Nice Day”.
“It changes nothing. You cheat, you lie, you beat her. Malam, that babe should be given some break.”
I dropped it. He could not reply immediately, it looked like he was thinking of what to say.
“See, you better mind your business”
“Why would I mind my business? She is my cousin.”
I said silently.

“Sorry bros. No vex.”
I did not wait for him to finish before cutting the call