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Episode 6

Now, I have spent time trying to console someone. In fact, a total stranger whom my diicck had adopted. I had done all I could to make her keep quiet which she did and now, I am stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. I can’t sleep in her house, my body will be found pounded with pestle and cooked with hot water. I can’t attempt to go outside. Those guys smoking would strip me to my boxers. What do I do?

Such was the delima I found myself in. Even though I had announced my going, I had made no effort to get up. I was still seated. I was doing all the calculations in my head. I was still dressed in my working clothes. My school bag containing my laptop was still slung over my shoulder. My shoes which was polished that morning and which I had just both the previous week adorned my legs. My clothes were new too. Wahala ti de!!!
“I think I should be going”

I made the announcement again. What was I expecting? An offer to sleep in her house?
“Owk love, good night.”
Now I’m fucckked. I asked myself questions only I could produce answer to. What happens if my laptop is taken away? The clothes no go be problem o, but the laptop? Modem? Nairaland (Seun, make your head no big), facebook? Kai, I enter one chance all in the name of getting an extra pusssyy for my diicckk. Kai, the brain in my diicckk really need to be checked.

“Baby”
The first time I am calling her baby.
“You know I am so tired. This bag is weighing me down. You should help keep it for me, I will send my younger brother to collect it tomorrow.”

Like I had magic cowrie sewn into my tongue, she just accepted the bag without questions. Kai, my phones had miraculously found its way into my bag. Don’t ask me how. Your brain processes information and tasks at 10000000000000000 Zilabytes when you are faced with very difficult tasks.
“Good night angel”

I kissed her lightly on the lips and pulled the gate open. The babe no even follow me go outside self. So much for love abi? I got outside and started walking home majestically throwing my hands in the air like I had no care in the world. My heart was beating right in my brain. I swear no be lie. You know when your pulse transfers from your wrists to that tiny vein on your head and start doing “dut dut dut”, that was exactly how I felt that night.
“Na where you dey come from without shoes na”

My younger bro asked immediately I stepped into the sitting room. My breath was high but who cares. Na only shoe na and seriously nobody asked me for it. I only heard “hey hey hey”, and my legs kicked in. The shoes found their ways out of my leg when the acted as a decelerating force-field.
“From work na. But men, some agberos been dey fight for junction walai. Na run I carry comot from there”

I said breathlessly while I proceeded to the kitchen to dish food for myself.


The next day, I had already left instructions for my brother to retrieve my items from Perpetual. I was in the office feeling uneasy and trying to concentrate. No phone to play with, nothing to do. Just sitting my black Bottom and browsing through Nairaland. Each time I will have this feeling like my phone is vibrating in my pocket but men, nothing.
I closed and got home to meet my brother watching a movie on my laptop.
“Attai, I see your show for road o”
He said to me and smiled briefly while I frowned and went to pick my phone. It was off. Well, I had switched it off.

“Hello, Perpetual. Yeah. Thank you for yesterday. No, can’t come.”
That was how the conversation flowed.
“I am not feeling too well. My stomach is paining me”

She said, making her voice sound like a baby. My brain processed the information the normal way so my reply was in the normal way too.

“Sorry my love. I wish I am there right now. I would have worked on it”
She paused.

“Go jor. You that say you can’t come.”
“Yeah, I can’t really. I am very busy right now. Loads and loads of work to do.”
I replied trying to pacify her.
“So it is only sorry you will tell me ko”
Now where is she headed to.
“Lots of love baby, muah muah”
I blew kisses into the phone.

“mtchwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww”

You know that kind of his that make ones ear drum vibrate. I pulled my phone out of my ear and looked at the screen to be such her lips were not going to come out and sU-Ck my ear drum outta my ear.
“Ah ah, what did I do na?”
I asked.
“Na only love I go chop? Abi na your kisses I go drink?”

Kai, now that was harsh. But what was more harsher is the next sound that followed.
“Kuchup. Kpoo kpoo kpoon”
She had dropped the call on me.

“Stylez”
I said referring to my younger brother.
“Go buy me MTN N400 own”
Moments later.

“Attai, I love you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Okay, I know what you guys are thinking. I just played the mugu. But to me? For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. N400 no be child’s play and I go draw the oil equivalent. If only the oil would come quickly.

My phone started ringing almost immediately that I dropped the call. It was a strange number. Owk, every number for my phone dey strange. Una no fit blame me na. Na so I pick the call.

“Hello, Attai?”

The person call my name like say e no dey sure and na woman voice the person get self.
“Yes, na Attai”
I answer am back.

“It is me”


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