Loving Ashe

Episode 29

Not Alone

As long as Riley shut up the OMG-the-sky-is-falling part of her, life was grand. For the next two weeks, she went to work four days a week while Ashe, if he wasn’t required to fly to L.A. for meetings, did them over the phone.

There were meetings with Ben and Lance over Conley Brennan’s songs whose rights they owned, and then there were his workout sessions at the gym five days a week. Even though he wasn’t scheduled to start shooting his next movie till after the holidays, Ashe still had to keep in shape, no matter how great the temptation to eat whatever he wanted. Just a day before, he’d spent most of the morning modeling suits for a men’s magazine cover and that evening while showing her some proofs he’d photographed on his phone, Riley couldn’t help but notice that Ashe had a hell of a resting bitch face.

“A what?” he had asked, putting his phone on the bedside table.

“A resting bitch face,” Riley repeated, laughing. “It’s the look someone has when they’re just doing random stuff, but their face looks like they’re about to murder someone.” 6

Ashe looked at her incredulously. “Excuse me, Miss Eames, but I do not have a resting bitch face.”

“Oh, yes you do!” She had laughed then, earning her a tickling session that almost made her pee her pants till she begged him to stop and with a kiss, tell him that no, he did not have a resting bitch face after all. 1

“Do you ever get tired of being sculpted and groomed by others?” she asked him one Saturday afternoon as they sat on a bench in Washington Square Park, listening to someone playing Bach’s “English Piece in A Minor” on his baby grand piano on wheels. With Ashe wearing some hat or beanie and dark glasses, it had become one of their favorite things to do during those two weekends after their Atlantic City trip, simply sitting together and people watching. Sometimes people recognized him, but mostly they left Ashe alone, and Riley got used to the sideways glances and the many creative ways they tried to take discreet pictures of Ashe.

“It’s just part of the job. You might say that I’ve gotten used to it since I started modeling so many years ago,” he said.

“And you’re vain,” Riley teased as Ashe nudged her in the ribs playfully.

“There’s that, too,” Ashe smiled sheepishly. “But why do you ask, Riley? Does it bother you to have someone know my body more than you sometimes?”

“Paige once asked me how I’d feel seeing you kiss someone else, or have sex with someone else—on camera, that is,” Riley added. “And she had a point. I don’t know how I’d feel if I saw you kiss someone else. It would feel weird, and I wouldn’t know what to think.”

“So it does bother you.”

“It’s just weird. I mean, what if Sentience gets a sequel and you and Isobel—well, do stuff together, even if it’s front of the camera—”

“It is just in front of the cameras, Riley. There’s nothing sexy about filming a sex scene, not when you’ve got hot lights and twenty people watching the whole thing and making sure that every angle is perfect, the lighting, the angles, the overall effect,” Ashe said. “You need to separate our life together from my work.” 8

“But I trust you, so it shouldn’t even be a problem.” Riley suddenly felt foolish as Ashe took a deep intake of breath and drew her closer to him. She was jealous, pure and simple. “Anyway, I was just wondering if you ever get tired of it—being constantly groomed for this pictorial or that movie premiere, and having to worry about your weight, your figure, your diet.”

“Sometimes I do mind, especially with the holidays approaching, and I can’t wait to eat all the meat pies I can get my hands on,” he said, grinning. “Which reminds me, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? You haven’t mentioned anything about it.”

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

Riley never discussed Thanksgiving because she didn’t want to, even though it was something that she knew would come eventually. Come to think of it, Thanksgiving was four days away. It was as if Ashe had waited as long as he could till finally he couldn’t wait any longer. After all, she hadn’t exactly been the best company during the last two weeks, no matter how hard she tried to hide the pain with each phone call or text message that came from Paige and the triplets. There was a reason she wasn’t the actor making all that money, whose face graced the cover of a major men’s fashion magazine for November, and whose calendar for the coming year was already filled up.

The pain of being away from the triplets for the holidays was difficult to hide, especially when the emptiness that had opened up in her chest when she first learned of Paige’s betrayal felt like it was getting bigger and deeper with every reminder that the holidays were fast approaching. As much as Riley missed her nephews, she couldn’t shake her sister’s betrayal that hurt like nothing else she’d ever felt before. And so she avoided their calls, never answering a single one and hoping that maybe, they’d get the message that she wasn’t interested in talking to them. At least not yet.

And they did, eventually. Paige stopped calling ten days later. She stopped sending texts begging Riley to at least see the triplets, even if it was just at the park, and that the nanny would be with them. But Riley steeled herself from even looking at her phone, choosing to delete the texts before she could even thoroughly read them. She was a coward when it came to her nephews, but she also wanted nothing to interfere with the time she was enjoying with Ashe. For the first time in her life, she figured she had every right to be selfish. 17

If Ashe noticed how she tensed up whenever the messages and calls from Paige and her nephews arrived, he didn’t say anything. Not that he could say anything even if he wanted to, for Riley would only walk away or put on her earphones, pretending to listen to music. She knew she had to open to Ashe eventually, but she was always afraid of seeming weak around him. So she kept her mouth shut.

But with Ashe’s question about Thanksgiving, Riley realized that she’d never missed spending a single Thanksgiving with her sister and her nephews. It had always been with Paige, who always came home even when she was working as a model in Europe that one year and still flew in just for the day to spend Thanksgiving and the holidays with Riley and her father.

“I don’t know,” Riley said, looking straight ahead. A mother and her child had come up to the pianist to slip some money into his jar. “I’ll think of something.”

“Don’t you miss them?”

“Paige? No!” Riley said though she knew it was a lie. She hadn’t stopped thinking about Paige since that day, hating that as much as she despised Paige for what she had done, Riley still missed them all, especially her nephews.

They shouldn’t suffer for what their mother had done, but Riley no longer knew what to do. The last few messages they left on her voice mail a few days earlier had brought her to tears for Paige had not told them anything about their falling-out. Thomas was convinced he’d done something wrong to piss her off and wanted to know what he could do to make her change her mind.

I made you a drawing to make you feel better, auntie! 6

“I meant the boys. Don’t you miss them?” Ashe asked, watching her carefully. “I don’t think they understand at this point why you’re punishing them, and while it’s none of my business, they shouldn’t be punished for something that they didn’t do. I could never think of doing that to my niece at all, even when there were times that Hazel drove me crazy. And with children, two weeks may not be long enough for them to notice that something is wrong, but any longer than that, and they will usually start to see that something’s amiss.”

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

“I’m not punishing them,” Riley said, sighing. “In fact, I miss them so much, but I’ve waited so long to tell Paige that I would love to see them just not with her around—that I don’t know how to go about asking how to see them.”

“Just call them then. I’m sure the boys will be very happy to see you,” Ashe said, squeezing her hand. “Still, I’d love for you to join the lads and me for Thanksgiving. Ben and Lindsey host it each year at their place upstate, but this year, it’s at home. Everyone usually brings something homemade.” 4

“What do you usually make?” Riley asked, grateful for the change in topic.

“Shepherd’s pies, of course,” Ashe replied, grinning sheepishly. “The way my mum makes them. But you have to make something, too.”

“Espresso?” 1

“No!” Ashe exclaimed, laughing. “That would be cheating.”

Riley was about to tell him that the only thing she could think of was green bean casserole, the same dish she usually made for Thanksgiving at Paige and Clint’s house, and which also happened to be Gareth’s favorite when her phone rang. It was Clint. She hesitated at first, but when she noticed Ashe watching her, one eyebrow raised, she clicked Answer.

“Riley, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen you though I understand that you and Ashe are spending a lot of time together. Just saw a picture of you with him in People magazine while I was at the doctor’s,” Clint said, his voice giving her no hint that he was aware of any problems between her and Paige. Surely he would know, Riley thought. Otherwise, Clint wouldn’t be so formal. “I was hoping we could talk if you have some time today.”

“Sure, Clint. Where?” Riley hoped it wouldn’t have to be at their house.

“Well, I know you and Paige aren’t talking, and they’re all at a friends’ birthday party all afternoon, so why not come over to the house. Bring Ashe if he’s with you,” he said. “How about in an hour? I could have Bob pick you up, wherever you are.”

Riley glanced up at Ashe, who had now turned his attention back to the piano player though she knew he could hear her. She wondered if Clint knew the reason she and Paige weren’t talking. Would she be the one to break it to him that his wife had cheated on him? It was something she and Ashe had discussed a few nights ago, and something he firmly believed was between Clint and Paige.

The admission shouldn’t come from you, was what Ashe told her. It should come from Paige.

But what about the fact that she cheated on Clint with Gareth, of all people? My Gareth?

Ashe frowned then. Is that what this is all about? Your Gareth? I’m not discounting the pain that you are feeling, but it’s been three years since you and Gareth were together, and you’ve told me again and again that you no longer love him. Unless you still do. 4

She had stammered then. Of course, she didn’t love Gareth anymore. How could she? She loved the man sitting in front of her, the same man who could make her giddy at the sound of his deep voice when he called her name, the man who knew just how to make her feel so beautiful.

I don’t love him anymore, she had assured Ashe then. I just meant that of all the people she could have cheated with, why Gareth, knowing who he’d been all this time. It’s just that I feel like such a fool, them cheating on me like that then, and me never knowing anything about it till it happened again. I’m not perfect, Ashe, I know that. But I feel like I’ve been manipulated all this time with their secrets. 3

Then just make sure you know why you’re hurt, Riley, Ashe told her, his voice softening. I suspect it’s got more to do with Paige than it does with Gareth, but that’s only me trying to be as positive as I can without being taken for a fool. After all, I’m only human. And if there’s anyone more insecure than anyone out there, it’s an actor like me who thinks that his girlfriend still pines for her ex, who also happens to be a fellow actor like him.

Ashe had chuckled when he said it, but Riley knew that he was telling her the truth. His good looks, he always told her, weren’t going to last forever. He’d taken her with him for his facials and his massages, as she got hers at the same time so that she could see what he had to go through. He even got waxed, of all things, which surprised her. But at the same time, she figured that at least he wasn’t the only one having to go through all that pain to be hairless where the powers-that-be demanded him to be. Women already went through enough as it was.

“An hour then,” she told Clint, hanging up as Ashe pulled her closer to him and for the next few minutes, they only listened to the music.

“He knows Paige and I aren’t talking,” Riley said. “He wants to see me in an hour.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Ashe asked. “For moral support maybe—not that you need it.”

Riley thought for a moment. “I don’t know. But it would be nice if you were there, at least so I don’t feel alone if there were another bombshell coming. I just feel so alone when I’m faced with things like this.”

“You’re not alone, Riley,” Ashe said, kissing her on the forehead. “Not anymore.”