Oh My Husband

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 47

SEXUAL RE-ORIENTATION.

Let me help you with the broken plates; my husband said.

Oga, the broken plates are on the floor and not on my chest: I replied.

Without another word, my husband lifted me into his arms.

He was carrying me to the bedroom and I can see that funny look he always has when he wanted sex.

But this time I am ready for him.

My husband is a 4-minute man. He expects to claim the trophy when the race is just about to start. This had deprived me of sexual fulfilment all through our marriage.

My response to our unfulfilled sex was to restrict sex to during my ovulation period alone.

Pastor Mrs. had taught me that the ways a woman can really enjoy sex is to change the rule.

Usually, it is men that initiates sex and within five minutes he ejaculates and leaves the woman who is just beginning to gear up for sex, hanging in midair, high and dry.

She advises that women should take more active roles in sex. Don’t wait for foreplay. Take charge of the foreplay.

Tease him but don’t allow him access to the honey pot.

I was also taught that missionaries can’t be strangers forever. So why should you make the only sexual style the missionary style.

The bible says and “Adam knew his wife”. How can you know someone sexually when you only lie face to face?

If no one can be satisfied with living in a face me I face you house forever, then face me I face you sex shouldn’t be forever.

You know Pastor’s wife was once a club girl, she gave me the nitty gritty of sexuality in a Christian home. She told me that couples must ensure they baptize every room in their house sexually.

This creates fun moments to cherish and to remember.

As we entered the bedroom, he dropped me on the bed, but I led him to the bathroom.

For the first time in our marriage, I gave my husband a warm bath, and ensured my hands lingered on sensitive spots. By the time I finished using my palm to rub off the water, he was speaking in tongues.

He took his turn to bathe me, I didn’t know my husband thinks my sensitive regions were dirty because he spent a lot of time washing…. Oh, what joy that fills my soul….

We moved to the bedroom and I ensured that it is an acrobatic session and not a boring missionary journey.

Curtain closed. Sorry, sex is best enjoyed in secrecy of husband and wife alone. I can’t share more details.

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The next Sunday we went to church, the news had spread about my husband nefarious activities, church members were giving us funny looks.

Hypocrites are too much in the church these days. Well, I don’t mind the looks I’m getting. My mess would be converted to a message by mercy of God.

I clutched my husband to myself. I was not shy to give him open pecks in church. Let me claim my man before lonely ladies think they have a prey.

After service, I was standing by the main entrance to the church when I saw Bose, Assistant Pastor’s daughter. I called her to myself and hugged her.

As soon as I hugged her, everyone around me started clapping. They were surprised that I can give a hug to the lady who slept with my husband.

Bose started crying, I was crying and many ladies around me were crying.

Then the unthinkable started happening.

Haaaa what name do I call this.

Before I could control the situation, my husband was out of hands.

What!!!!!