Sex, Drugs And Being An Agbero

Episode 11

Kamoru was excited to see us, boredom had
been his friend
before we came around. He opened the gate
holding a cutlass..

Bayo: kamoru aye!..I don miss u die!

Kamoru: Bayoski omooba saudi!…bawo!

Me: kamoru how far?

Kamoru: yellow bawo ni…

After the initial greetings he led us to the one
room self contained
that was his abode close to the gate.

Kamoru: Alhaji no dey house o..

Bayo: we knw na, we just dey pass na him we
remember say na
only you dey house..Risi nko?…she no find you
come?

Kamoru: no mind dat girl, na one guy wey dey
stay Agbara she dey chuk now..

Bayo: eeeeeyahhhh…anyhow sha, we bring
drinks…make me
jolly together.

Kamoru: Ah..ah…u too kind Bayo…I swear u too
kind..and I don see your future…u go be chairman NURTW.
Oloooooooooooun…

Bayo: no be only u talk this thing o…one alfa
for shasha don tell
me this thing before. ..

He gave kamoru the Seaman Schnapps while we held on to our
Alomo. Unknown to him, his was the only
unadulterated
bottle…ours had been refilled with water and
about a tea spoon
of milo…Alomo indeed! Kamoru blessed the gods before and those
present, he used the
bottle cap to toss about three large drops on
the soil.

Then he began to drink.

Bayo told me just before we got to the gate that kamoru was a
notorious drinker. So as he drank his, we drank
our overdiluted
beverage.
.
But what we didn’t knw was kamoru’s
resistance to intoxication. The bottle was almost finished and all that
changed was that his
voice became louder. He was still articulate, he
wasnt sleepy..I
was getting worried, very worried.
If I thought I was the only person worried I was wrong. Bayo’s
brows started slanting as kamoru’s stamina
showed no abating.

But then I should have suspected that Bayo had
other plans..

Bayo: kamoru! ..e be like say person dey knock o…go check
na..

Kamoru: E fit be those he-goats…dem like to
dey use head hit
our gate..I don tire o…before I reach them go
don run.. He stood up to check with annoyance, as he
rained curses on the
goats and their ancestors, I suspected he was
probably higher
dan we were giving him credit for.

Bayo removed a blue pill from his pocket. He never ceased to
amaze me. How on earth did he get Rophynol?
Kamoru came back without suspecting that it
had been grounded
into his bottle. He just kept drinking.
Kamoru. ..I tell you say na goat..as them see me dem run…their
papa. ..me! Kamorudeen…dem fear na!
How I stopped my self from laughing, I didnt
know..I noticed he
was getting slower, Bayo kept hailing
him..kept leading him on… He stood up and was trying to imitate an
escapade when he just
fell…he fell like a fruit from a tree.

Bayo:stay with him here..make I go inside go
check…gimme
20min..

Me: Alright….hurry
20min later….
30min later…..
1hr later…..
Lost count of time later. ……

When Bayo finally emerged from indoors…the look on his face
said it all..

Bayo: oga nothing o…everything is locked….and
I no fit break
him padlock…

Me: wow….what next…

Bayo: me I no know…

I immediately tried calling the number again…it
didnt connect.

Bayo: make we dey go, before this ishe cast…
On our way outside the date I looked at
kamoru ..he still on the floor. ..a wet patch on his
sokoto showed he had
pee’d on himself. I felt a little guilty…

As we lay on top the volvo bonnet, feeling
God’s natural A.C beat
against our faces..I felt regret again. Today was filled with so
much hope…everything in tatters now.

What if
she wasn’t using
the number again. What if she was gone for
good?…what if I was
stuck here? I looked at Bayo, he was smoking his second
wrap of weed..his
radio was playing 2face’s ‘implication’ into the
air…I closed my
eyes and was trying to fall asleep when I got a
text message frm the number.

Text: slot, computer village…2pm…
Im in the middle of an ocean, trying to stay
afloat but I kept
sinking, there was a canoe close to me.

Bayo
and Cynthia were in it. I was screaming for help but they weren’t
responding. They
just kept talking to each other. It was getting
harder to stay
afloat. I looked up again and it wasn’t Bayo..it
was Taofeek. He looked at me and smiled…

Bayo: wake up wake up dem don catch

thief..wake up..

Me: wetin be my business? Free me jor…

I knew we would start work by 5am, waking
up because of a thief around past 4 was wickedness. .

Bayo left me without uttering a word. I tried
going back to sleep
but couldn’t. The car’s bonnet was wet with
dew. I decided to
plan my day. How I was going to meet the fair lady and figure out
who I was….she must have chosen 2pm to be
able to slip into
the crowd if she changed her mind, I guessed.

After multiple
scenarios played in my head, I became fed-up..I stood up to go
search for my partner.

I saw him among a crowd. They all seemed to
be energised and
talking rapidly about the subject in the middle.

As I got to him I realised why.
Looking over his shoulder, I saw the thief. ..he
had been bound
by his feet. Blood was dripping from the
corner of his mouth,
there was a blood all over his yellow shirt, from a source I didnt
care to know.

Unknown guy: make we carry am go police
station for morning..

Most people: yes./ok./..na so we go do am..

Bayo: oya na, na wetin we go do be dat. I was glad that the guy wasnt to be lynched.

There was a pistol
beside him . That should be enough evidence for
him to be
convicted.

Taofeek: No!….No!….we go kill am ni o…

The place became quiet…the loudest sound was
a couple of
murmurs from d crowd.

Taofeek: if police carry this guy go..one day him
go thief
again..one day him go kill again.. I tapped Bayo and asked him if the guy had
killed anyone.

Bayo
didnt answer me, instead he spoke directly to
Taofeek.

Bayo: no kill dat guy…you don beat am tire…e
neva do you?..

Taofeek: come stop me na..if u get d mind,
come stop me..

His two goons moved close to Bayo.

He already had a metallic pole in his hand, it
was as if we all held
our breathe. The guy on the ground looked up..he was begging
for mercy when the pole crashed on his head…

cracking it open
as blood gushed out. The sound that came out
of the guys lips
wasnt like that of a man or an animal..it was a mixture of pain,
anguish and surrender.

Taofeek: any body get bad tyre for here?
One of his goons by the name of Chinedu,
hurriedly got a tyre and
some petrol.. The thief couldn’t talk or move, but his eyes
seem to open wider
when the tire fell on him. He seemed to be
asking…’Am i going to
really die like this’?..

Some people with weak minds stepped back, I guess they couldnt
stomach the coming carnage. . After dousing
the tire and the guy
with petrol, Taofeek took a quick look at me…

it was the same
smile he had given me in the dream. Then he set the guy on fire.
Bayo turned abruptly and I followed him. He
was vexed, I had
never seen him in such a mood before.

Bayo: Taofeek didnt care that the guy is a
thief..he is a thief himself. That guy was killed because of us. He
was passing a
message. Get that girl by 2..find out
everything abeg..this place
don too dangerous for you. You must be gone
by today.

Me: I cant leave you..

Bayo: but I cant leave the park. I no go skul, I
no get money.

This park is all I have , Otunba.

Me: we will sort it out. We will survive. You
took care of me. .by God! I will return the favor…

Bayo: ..but I am Omooba Mazamaza.

Me: You can be prince of anywhere else…

Bayo: Shade, Bose, Ezinne, patience….even
mama Kudus…all
that congo…gone? Me: if we sort out this mess…plenty more
congos..

Bayo: hmmmm..Alhaji will find us…yeeeeh..

Me: I wnt leave you here….

Bayo: I will say u escaped. ..

Me: Taofeek will say its a lie..know its a lie… dem go kill you.

Bayo: I don dey like dat bus o…

Me: Bayo focus!

Bayo: ok broda..ok…

As we made what we hoped was our last
morning run..I could swear I saw wetness in Bayo’s eyes..he was
about to lose
everything….all his friends because of me. But
as we drove I
made up my mind it was for the best..
We would figure out how to make a better life. Cynthia said I
looked rich..the fair lady will help me figure out
my finances
too..

Bayo: Kekere…

Me: ehn?

Bayo: I go like be fuji musician o…so put that in
mind..

Me: all na still Agbero….

Bayo: you go dey do back up for me?..

Me:…loool…I will do anything for you…I will be
anything. ..lets just get out of here alive..

Bayo.: ok bro…like Batman and Robin hood…

Me: No …Batman and Robin…

Bayo:…na Robin hood jor…olobe!..

Me: ok…me and you…like Batman and robin
hood..

As we started our last trip…I could help but
ask..

Me: Bayo, who be batman and who be robin?

Bayo: who be the thief…..?
Bleep him.