Sex, Drugs And Being An Agbero

Episode 2

I had alot of questions on my mind. I tried
smelling my armpits to
know the extent of stench that I was oozing
out. I also wanted to
know if I had other clothes to wear.

Before long, the food girl came around. She steadied a
transparent bucket of different kind of meat
on her head.
The clothe she was wearing was different
from what she wore the
last time I saw her. I wantef to talk to her but Bayo was beside
me smoking a piece
of joint.

As she approached, he gave me to hold and
rushed to meet her.
Food girl: why did you give him igbo, u want to scatter his head
abi?

Bayo: what about me, you care about
everybody except me,
he drew her closer as he said this.

Me: I can hear you people , stop talking as if I am an object.

Food girl: ma binu, I am happy you are strong
enough to even
notice we are talking about you.

Me: Do you know my name?

Food girl: No, whats your name? I sighed and told her not to bother. When Bayo
and I step on the
road I will find out where he saw me. I would
go there and
retrace my steps.

I noticed they were laughing, I tried ignoring but they kept at it.

Me : whats funny?

She wanted to talk but Bayo’s eye expression
told her to shut up.

Me: Bayo…please tell me na

Bayo: nothing o, na personal thing between my wife and me.

Me: Talk na…please

Bayo chuckled.

Bayo: okay, since I brought you here, na she dey
baff you…so
she just start to dey call you kekere one morning like that. And
since then…na kekere everybody dey refer to
you as.

Me: kekere , why?

They both started laughing, it got so much that
she had to drop her bucket and hold her waist.

Bayo: she says your J0yst!ck is very small…

The foodgirl gave him a poke on the chest,
telling him he
shouldnt have included that part.

I was supposed to feel bad but the realisation that she had been
bathing me was worse.

Bayo: oya lets go

Foodgirl: odabo…safe trips..olorun ma so e
pada o..

Bayo took a piece of kpomo and threw in his mouth. He pointed
to an old rickety danfo and told me , that’s
our “horse’
He didnt bother saying amen to her prayer or
goodbye, he just
detached himself and walked alongside me. I noticed he was
whispering somethings to himself but I couldnt
hear.

Just before we got in the vehicle, he asked if I
was a christian or
a muslim. I told him I didnt know. He said dats good. For he was
neither too. All he knows is God and God
knows him. I just
noded.

Bayo: as from today, you are Otunba kekere.

I looked at his face to see if it was a joke or he expected a
reaction from me. He was dead serious.

Me: kekere…referring to my J0yst!ck size?

Bayo: dats between me and kemi, but to
everyoda person, you
are the king’s young adviser.

Me: who is the king?

Bayo: me

It wasnt even funny anymore
The bus wa s originally a fourteen sitter, but
had somehow been
converted to an eighteen. It was filled with different Pasuma
stickers, some weird looking poster
advertising pile cure was
also there. Spiritual assistance for job, visa etc
was displayed
too.

The ignition of the car was in ruins. Two wires
was the key. He
started cursing as two park guards
approached him to collect
200naira.

Bayo: all they know is money, they wont repair yhe park o, wetin
dem dey use our money do sef, I no know.

Me: so will you tell me where you found me?

Bayo: ofcourse, but not now. This is the most
important part of
the day. If we can go to Oshodi and back four times before
10’oclock, we can now relax as passengers
trickle in. The rest of
the day is likely going to be heavy with traffic.

Me: so 10’oclock?

Bayo: 10:05, I wanted to ask what the 5min was for, but I
declined. I made up
my mind I was gonna trace my roots. So Bayo
and I had limited
time. I would miss him I concluded.
Mile 2 was filled with young and old people, they looked like
hardworking people. While the young showed
zeal, the old
showed defeat.

Bayo: Oshodi, Oshodi…e wole pelu change o…
aaro la wo o…mi o run iya anybody o!
People started rushing in. Even the women
shoved anybody that
came in their way. In less than a minute, the
bus was filled.

A
plain clothed guy opened the frony door and sat beside me. His
face was hard and lips black.

Bayo: that sit na for staff oga, my motor don
full
Black lips frowned

Bayo: Oga I say na for staff, commot for my motor jare!
Black lips looked at me as if asking if I was a
staff too

Me: I am not staff

Bayo stopped the engine, and was about to
start anoda set of screaming when Black lips brought out his id
card.

Bayo: oga olopa, why you come dey waste our
time before. You
for don talk, ehn…

Black lips: you are very silly, na the first time I go enter your
motor be this.?

Bayo starts the engine.

Bayo : ahn ahn, you don dey vex, e no good to
dey vex
o..ehn…my officer…Black is beautiful… ehn!..black magic!..u
too much..

The sound of the engine soon drowned the
laughter emanating
from the other passengers.

As Bayo drove, I
looked at him and saw bliss, satisfaction. He was not educated
but was content wit
his life. The educated one behind looked
unhappy.

I was educated but I cant remember if I am a
graduate, or an undergraduate or a young worker.

As we made our trips to and fro. I got to like
Bayo. He could
shout and rain abuses on passangers but he
also made them
laugh and feel at ease. He even flirted with some and made them
blush. Asking why their husbands didnt buy cars
for them.

Bayo: if not for arithmetic, I for don be pilot
and you madam! for
be my iyawo.

Five cars for u! Just like d rest, she blushed.