Sex, Drugs And Being An Agbero

Episode 9

The bus was oozing of seminal fluids so we
opened the windows
and door to to let the oozing reduce. The tent
was already filled
up with sleepers, leaving us with only the
option of sleeping beneath the stars.

Bayo chose the bonnet of a
volvo car. It was
elongated.
The girls left earlier after trying to persuade us
to come with
them. But for reasons best known to him, he said God didnt want
us to wake up beside women the next day….he
was a prophet of
God.

Bayo: I no know why people dey akway pity us
wey no get house. No A.C cool pass night breeze.

Me: when it rains…

Bayo: Tent or bus…

He brought out a blade of rizla and started
treating some pinches
of weed..as he treated he sang a couple of Pasuma songs. ..then
he sang tuface ‘s “if to say na just me”…the song got to me and
we sang louder and louder..

As we smoked the joint, the seed cracked
under the heat of the blaze and melted in our mouths..the ‘choko’
taste was smooth…

Me: this weed make sense

Bayo: yes na…na Ijanikin weed. No be all this
Oshodi weed wey
dem dey add banana leaf. Me: so what happens nw…to me..how do I get
out of this mess,
people will be waiting for me..my life just
paused. You must help
me sort it out. Why did I steal? I don’t think I
am a thief. Will Alhaji kill me after I remember
everything?..what if I dont?

Bayo: really I dont knw..But we have to give
Alhaji something to
hold on to. I have been lying to him that you
are remembering somethings. ..he wants to know if you have
remembered what
you stole and where you hid it.

Me: what did you tell him that I remembered?

Bayo: that you are a chelsea fan and you dont
like PDP.

Me: but I like PDP

Bayo: Alhaji is a thug…during elections he
works for Tinubu. .

Me: then why cant I like PDP?

Bayo: they all have thugs…the one you know is
better than the one you dont…

Me: why did you tell him I hate PDP?

Bayo: because he might like you a little.
Obanikoro’s boys once
shot at him, it shattered his back glass.

Me: I dnt knw who Obanikoro is. Bayo: ok…lets sleep..

Me : one more question …that guy on with the
ugly tribal mark.

The one you didnt greet at Alhaji’s house.
Whats his proble…

Bayo: lol…you know for everybody there is an angel and a
demon?

Me: continue..

Bayo: well I am your angel…

Me:…mtchwwww…continue…

Bayo: Taofeek is your demon. He watches every move you
make. If I am seen without you for a long
time…I will be dealt
with, if he senses you are not valuable
anymore….he reports to
the boss and they decide whats next…I don’t like him..he likes
blood too much..

Me: but I told you I wasnt coming back why
didnt you persuade
me, why didnt you tell me I was putting you in
trouble.

Bayo: you are a family kind of guy…except you
lose your senses
again…you will always remember I am your
brother and you
trust me.

Me: that doesn’t mean I will come back..

Bayo: Now that I have told you..I knw you
wont leave me to the
wolves.

Me: but I gotta leave here soon.

Bayo: I have a plan, risky but good. You go like
am.

Me: im scared of Taofeek.

Bayo: You should be very scared…I am scared
too.

Me: he doesnt like you.

Bayo: yes…that too is another story…

Me: ok..tomorrow… Dew was already falling on us..my clothe was

wet..the car was
getting wet too. But damn!…it was cool…didnt
feel any insect
bite.

Bayo: by the way…I bought you some boxers… Shade told me
you dont have any..

Me: thanks, but thats weird bro. Hope it isnt
boxers with chelsea
designs.

Bayo: No..o…hw na.. Me: thanks then….

Bayo: Mourinho’s face was on them sha o…

Me: Bleep you Bayo.

Bayo: Goodnight to you too bro…
Our bus developed a fault around noon of the
next day. Bayo was very much disappointed, I hoped it would be
another day for me
to make much sense of my life.

I was getting used to being his conductor, I
could even hold on to
the roof of the bus with my feet firmly on the base of the door
opening.

Bayo was a generous colleague. Two days ago
we had started
sharing what we made equally. I once asked
him if he had a bank account. He told me he didnt need it, bank
account was only for
people with millions.

Something happened just before we slept but I
was sceptical to
tell him. The girl with in my head with the mouth opened, I was
able to see the full face. She was light skinned
with a birthmark
just below her left eye. I was holding on to
that memory, it
seemed like the channel that would lead me to my senses.

I persuaded Bayo to find out what I actually
stole from Alhaji. He
told me he had to give Alhaji something in
return…like a
memory.

Me: tell him I remembered that I was in an
accident. .

Bayo: he knows that already, he told me to tell
you.

Me: Tell him I ….ermmmm…have a fair
girlfriend but cant remember her name.

Bayo: ok..dat wan make sense.
Just then….Just like that we had a
breakthrough. And it was
from the most unlikely of sources.

Taofeek. Taofeek chose the moment we were talking to
pass by Ezinne’s
bar , the wristwatch he wore brought back
memories. Sweet
lord!..I could remember paying for that
watch…no!…the fair girl paid for it and gave me as a gift. It was at
Ceddi Plaza in
Abuja..wow!…I could remember a red Camry…
oh my Jesus!
Taofeek must have noticed my staring at him.

He changed direction and came to our table.

Taofeek: buy Alomo for me

Me: I dont have money

He looked at me and smiled, exposing a
brownish dentition.

Taofeek: Buy Alomo for me Bayo: him no get money , our bus spoil..no
work

Taofeek: Bayo if u put mouth for this matter I
go stab your head.

Bayo: your Papa! You no fit!

Bayo stood up to face Taofeek, who was at least 6 inches taller.
Taofeek’s eyes became red..

Taofeek: if you no buy me this Alomo today…

your own don be for
this park..
He pointed at me

Taofeek: as for u Bayo, you know say I dey
wait for u make you
enter my trap. On dat faithful day…your
mama wey don die go
cry from heaven for you.

Bayo: gbagbe! …nothing they happen. I looked at Bayo and signalled with my eyes
that we beta buy
him the Alomo. The look he gave me in return
was stern..

Then Taofeek stepped away. .two of his goons
that were positioned at a short distance in case of a
fight..followed suit..

Bayo sat down with a cheeky smile on his face.
.

Bayo: never ever give in to them. If they
demand something and you give them out of your will..they will keep
exploiting you.

Then I told Bayo about the wristwatch. .

Bayo: that can only mean your stuffs are with
Alhaji. Maybe
Taofeek stole the watch from the collection. He is a thief like
you.

Me: very funny…so what do we do?

Bayo: Aregbesola will be in Ikoyi tonight..he is
being honored by
Tinubu. God knows that guy should have been deputy Gov of
lagos. Him no dey gree sit down for him state.
But na correct
guy sha.

Alhaji will be there…Taofeek and his
boys will follow
him. We will go to Alhaji’s house and check.

Me: how is that possible?

Bayo: Dont worry, Alhaji is like a father to
me..I know where he
keeps secret stuff.

Me: why not just ask him if he has my stuff?

Bayo: If my cooperation is suspected as being the reason you
went away without giving them their stuff. .I
would be killed
slowly and painfully.

Me: oh..

Bayo: whatever happens. ..our fates are together. No ever forget.

He stopped talking and started reading the
day’s copy of
complete football. .

Me: Ezinne! Pls one 33 for him and small stout
for me.

Ezinne: kekere my inlaw…okay o..

Inless than a week I was..kekere…Otunba…
inlaw…but I still
remained nameless..Tonight, I hope it changes..