She Pulled Her Pants

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 1

“”Ushhhhhhhh… Ashhhhh”…. Take it easy, you are

hurting me.”

She sang into my ears.

What I heard was:

“Do it faster, I need it faster… Harder!!!”

Me just stepped on the pedal and pumped away. I

was hitting her deeply, paying with her inner cacus.

The sensation I was receiving was really worth all the

suffering I had gone through just to get her.

“I will sue you for Molesting me o”

She said breathlessly as I turned her round and

began the canine style on her. Sue who? Me? She

never jam. I would be the first to sue her. I know

you guys might think I am crazy, but I am not. Oya,

let me rewind it so you will know why I would want

to sue her.

I had met her in an internet cafe. I was already done

browsing but the time still remained. Internet cafe

these days no longer install that software that

automatically shuts you down when your time is

over. It was really that good.

I lifted my head to look at the cafe attendant, just to

determine his position. He was seated concentrating.

Lol, my mind went back to when I was a cafe

attendant. All my spare time were used in watching

por’n online. I believed that was the exact thing he

was doing.

“How much is 30 minutes”

I heard a lovely voice said. I looked up again to

behold the loveliest face I had ever seen. She was

not fat and was also not on the slim side. Just my

exact kind of woman. I was perplexed. Now, I

wanted to approach her but my liver had ran away

from my body. It was just me, I and my world.

She had settled down after purchasing an hour of

browsing time. I was watching her. The first place

she entered was facebook. I was excited. I peeped

and saw her name, searched for her immediately

and added her. She received me almost

immediately. I sent her a message.

“Hi, can I have your number please?”

She replied.

“LOL”

Bleep it. I was trying to put words together in my

head when…

“Oga, you time don finish o.”

Chineke. No problem. I was happy I had established

contact. What remains is to go through her ABOUT

and find out if her number is there.

I got home and could not sleep. I could not even eat

and I had sweat pouring all over me. Wait, no mind

that statement there, I am only trying to sound

poetic. I ate all I wanted, had a perfect dream and

was so relaxed my sweat glands began protesting.

All through, I was busy thinking about this girl. Her

beautiful features. Her smile, don’t ask me how I got

to know how her smile looks. Owk, I will tell you.

When I requested for her number, she looked at me

and smiled. Which green light green pass wetin she

gimme abeg?

I got to the office on Monday morning and quickly

went to the history of our chats. Like say we even

chat many self. I clicked on her name and whoosaa,

her page flew open. I did the first thing. Scroll

through her pictures. They were all stuning and I was

busy clapping in my mind. I had landed jackpot.

“Attai, why are you smiling like a fish na?”

My colleague asked me. I looked at him. He was

always this pastor type and me was always thinking

and feeling that he is a virgin. Lol, a man being a

virgin.

“O boy, na one babe wey I hammer o. Her own don

finish”

I replied him.

“See, Attai, you need to change. Following women is

not good. You have a bright future ahead of you.”

He advised.

“See this man. Tell me say you no fuucckk pass me

for your past life na”

I asked him.

He just shook his head and wanted to walk away. I

stopped him with my speech.

“If na Jesus now, him no go give up on me like you

just do o. Your hell fire go so hot pass my own

because I go lay allegations for your head on

judgment day wella”

I said.

He shook his head the more, like he was planning to

clear it.

“Attai, may God forgive you”

And in the catholic fashion, I replied..

“And also you”.

Now that is bad. I kept looking at the pictures,

imagining her lying on the bed Unclad. How would

her Kitty-Cat look like? Kai, I was already fuucckking

her before I got my hands on her. My dicckk from all

those thoughts had become as hard as iron and I was

sweating under the AC. See me o. Me wey no sweat

before, na me wan begin sweat now, no lele sha.

“Attai, madam dey call you”

Me? Yesu, I don enter. How I wan carry go face that

woman now. See as my pole wire just tanda dey

salute my tight plain trouser. No ask me o, I dey like

make my trousers dey hug me sometimes. Sha, the

girls for my office don teach me lesson. Anytime

them see me, na to dey look my preek.

“Ma, you sent for me”

I spoke in my oyibo-film induced English. Who would

not want to impress an American-trained

professional? Her English self and the way she dey

carry talk am make me know say Ishilove and

Princesa still dey kindergarten for Use of English.

“Yes I did”

Imagine say na Queen Elizabeth dey yan this one.

You know how Englishmen dey speak their English

na. That kind Harry Potter them. Well, Naija women

wey school for America dey speak Britannica, me

wey school for Kano and don watch all the American

gangster movies must speak like them na.