She Pulled Her Pants

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 17

“Do you know I fell in love with you the first time I

saw you?”

Danger! Danger!! Na so my brain just dey sing o. I

come dey wonder wetin the babe dey even talk

about. Why she go just fall in love without knowing

me. Now, we both know say that talk no make sense.

I been dey office that time…

“Sorry Hannah, I am kinda busy now, why don’t we

talk later”

I tell her hoping say she go understand. My

Americanized boss just dey my desk side dey wait

make I drop call.

“It is a lie, you are with a woman.”

And so? I dey as I dey, tell you say I no get babe, you

go believe? I no tell her that one o. I just dey

imagine how some babes go dey believe smooth

talking guys like me self. You see as I dey carry make

you laugh smoothly, saying the right things, then you

come ask me silly question like:

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Of course, we don prepare the answer already. Na

wetin some girls no just understand. Them dey wait

make we tell them the truth but for where, truth

always dey bitter. We go resort to wetin dey more

comfortable.

“Yes, I used to have”

Now, you are not lying to her. Sorry, if na me, I don’t

consider this as lying. I use to have a girlfriend but

as I dey with you now, na your own sure pass o.

“What happened?”

Na the usual question be that. Na so I go come make

my voice softer come do face like say I dey

remember many years ago as e dey nollywood film.

I go open mouth close am, open am again come

answer:

“She was unfaithful. Caught her with my best friend”

Na the best lie to serve any woman be that o. That

aside, make I continue with my story….

“No, I am not with anybody. I am in the office. I will

have to drop the call now please.”

Click. I dropped the call and looked at my boss. She

looked back and smiled like she knew what was

happening over the phone.

“You are running away from your responsibilities

eh?”

She asked in a playful tone. Madam, kai, very playful

woman but if you eff up eh, the way she carry mouth

finish you eh. She fit even remember wetin you do

her 50 years ago for matter wey you feel say dey

meager.

“No ma.”

I answered.

“Continue with what you are doing, I will call you

when I have more things written down.”

She said and walked away. No ask me… I don’t have

such thoughts towards people I work with. I am a

professional. I had barely settled down to my duties

when my phone rang again. This time it was

Perpetual. Don’t ask me o, her number had become

registered in my head. It ends with 064.

“Hello”

I answered in a husky voice.

“Hey baby, this one your voice is like this, hope you

are not fighting with me.”

Kai, she no even greet. Alright, no problem.

“Nope, we are not fighting o. Only have something

on my table right now”

I answered sullenly. I still dey wonder if she go greet

me but for where, wetin follow nearly make me

abuse her father.

“Baby, this one your voice is not sounding sweet, let

me allow you face your work o. But ehm, can you

send me MTN 400? My stomach is paining me.”

Jesus!!! When airtime become painkiller?

“Owk. I will, hold on eh. I will send it when I am less

busy.”

Na so I drop call carry hand put for head. Wetin I go

buy now? Carry problem wey no be my own put for

head. Choi. Na so I hurry do wetin dey my table go

downstairs go use ATM VTU take send the money. As

it is with guys, I don’t call after sending money to a

girl. I wait for her to sacrifice even if it is 3 Naira to

tell me she had seen it.

I went back to work, mostly browsing Nairaland sha.

Then it was Mazi’s Story that was trending. (Wetin

happen to that guy self?) After wetin for close to

three hours without any call, I decided to call her

just to make sure she had seen the card. This is the

conversation that ensured. Word for word.

“Hello”

I said as soon as she picked the call.

“So it is common N400 you can’t send ba”

I was shocked o. I swallowed my pride but the

bloody thing still came out so I had to take it easy on

her. She know how I hustle before I get that money

abi she no know say na huge chunk comot from my

monthly budget for miscellaneous?

“Wait na… Did you..”

I did not complete the statement.

“You claim to love me yet I am not seeing anything.