So Not Love

Episode 20

She eyed me now with a frown on her face. “Papa, Adanna, what kind of question is that? I have gone to Daniel’s place a million times and I wouldn’t have forgotten where he lived so soon.”

“Then why is he here talking about the same Linda you claimed you left with him before you returned home?”

“I wonder.” She answered. “Bia in-law, where’s Linda?” My wife asked, craning her neck to glance at his car.

“At first,” he began in a terse tone. “Your first daughter stole from me, I forgave you and next, you deliberately set me up by bringing your younger daughter to my house so that she can do this to me!” He pointed at the neck brace. “She nearly killed me all because I tried to be friendly with her!”
I scrutinized the marks and bruises on his face and arm that were like fingernail scratches then turned to my wife and asked in a quiet tone. “Bia Eliza, this thing looks serious o. Are you sure Linda is not learning kung fu somewhere or she’s actually possessed? Can’t you see the havoc she wreaked on his face?”

“Mba mba mba!” She vehemently shook her head in disagreement. “Not my Linda. My daughter is not possessed. She couldn’t have done this na. We all know how meek and gentle she is.”

Having had enough of us, we heard Daniel suddenly bark an order. “Officers, arrest them!”

We turned wide eyes on him and gaped in surprise. “Ehn?” I asked as if I had not heard him right the first time.

“You heard me!” Daniel said again to the police men. “Put them in cuffs like the criminal they are! Whether they like it or not, they shall pay for what their evil daughter did to me! If they also can’t provide the money their daughter stole from me, I’ll make sure that they rot in jail!”
“Jail ke?!” My wife said aloud in shock as she kept moving her hand in order to evade the handcuffs a policeman was trying to cuff her in. “In-law, it has not come to this eh, bikonunu…” She began to plead as the police man finally cuffed her wrists. “In-law, please this embarrassing. You cannot do this to me. Ewo, chimoooo oooo… In-law, consider the fact that I’m almost old enough to be your mother? Please I beg of you, have a change of heart on this matter.”

“Yes my son…” I said as I was being handcuffed now. “This is family issue. We can settle this amicably between us, you do not have to bring the police into such family business. Please do not let our enemies see this and laugh at us, please!”

But all our pleas fell on deaf here. “Take them away officer!”

As the police guided us to their van, our son, Emmanuel appeared from inside the house, surprised at what was going on. “Papa!” He called out.

I partially turned to say to him. “Emma, please call my brothers. Tell them that your mother and I have been taken to the police station and that they should meet us there as soon as possible! Biko! Lock the door and run quickly to my brother’s house as fast as you can!” I anxiously told him.

As he attempted to grab the padlock and lock the door, my wife quickly shouted at him. “Please take the garden egg and corn inside the house o and return my unfinished soft drink to the fridge too.”
Soon, we were pushed into the back of the van and driven to the police station were we made to sit on an old bench behind the counter. Much to our dismay, we soon grew weary as the expected visit from my brother never came. I stared at the two policemen at the counter who were chatting and laughing too loud, pretending we didn’t exist.
“…as I reach Mama Ezinne shop yesterday ehn, the Nkwobi na die!” The lanky one said and made a peppery sound with his mouth as if he could actually taste the food. I scrurinized him for a moment, wondering if he was actually the one wearing the black uniform or it was the uniform wearing him. He was so lanky and tall that I could see the Adam’s apple in his throat moving up and down as he spoke. The only significant thing about him was his big head which he had managed to force the police Beret on.
The other one, a shorter man who playfully threw a scornful look at him had a paunch which was straining the front of his uniform shirt and threatening to break free anytime soon at the expense of a few buttons around that area. “You no well. Na him you no fit bring small for me? (You are not alright. So you could bring some for me?)”

“You for try understand na. Na just one small change wey the bike guy give me. If to say he no give me that money, I for seize him bike, bring an come station. That bike no get plate number. (You should try to understand. It was just a small change that was given to me by the motorist. If he had not given me the money, I would have seized his bike and brought it to the police station.) He explained.
“Ehn, na so you go dey lie!” The other one said skeptically. “Na today? If na me now, you go dey beg make I buy you one bottle of big stout, but you, even tinko, you no fit carry come for me. Common tinko and one bottle of maltina. (Right, that’s how you lie a lot! It’s not the first time. If it was me, you’ll be begging me to buy you a bottle of big stout, but you, even small friend meat, you could not bring for me. Ordinary fried meat and maltina!)”

“Farouk-farouk!” The lanky one suddenly hailed in order to placate his colleague then suddenly stomped his foot on the floor, accompanying it with a salute. “Sion-sir!” He said aloud.

The shorter man ignored him and began to flip through a worn-out book which had a lot of loose pages struggling to stay within the book. Later, he lifted his head and said quietly to his colleague. “Eh, come, shey you hear about that nightclub raiding thing wey happen? (Come, did you hear about the recent nightclub raiding?)”

“Na which one? Shey the one wey our people storm one strip club like that, pack all the girls? (Which one? Is it the one that our colleagues stormed a strip club and arrested all the girls?)” He asked.

The shorter one had a mischievous look in his eyes now as he leaned closer and whispered. “You also hear about that girl wey go tell newspaper people say popo rape am with pure water nylon wey he take use as condom so he no go catch disease? ( Did you also hear about the girl who told the media that she was raped by a policeman who used a water sachet as protection so that he wouldn’t contract a disease?)