Crushed

Episode 12

I quickly improvised the hanky I was holding as a scarf as I looked up to the heavens, my heart really yearning
“Oh God, I have come again! You just can’t be tired of me coming. I am here again because you have withdrawn my peace from me as regards Mercy. What is the problem? Is there anything I don’t know?” I asked, face up to the ceiling yet
The heaven felt like steel against my prayers and I fell to my knees
I was frustrated so much that I knew deep down that the Holy Spirit just wanted to pass across salient information across
But why wouldn’t He talk then?

Why is He being quiet?
Worship!

I should worship?
I started worshipping God for selecting me for this kind of assignment
“Oh Lord, it’s a privilege. Thanks so much for everything. Thanks for even opening my mind to know that I should seek you on this matter.” As I said that, it felt as if that was what He wanted to even hear.
It was the accurate prayer point!
God had always been faithful to me in that regards.

I had fasted and prayed that God should give me so much direction that when I kneel down to pray, it wouldn’t be a waste of time but the major prayer point for each issue I call on Him for should be placed on my lips and he had never failed me once.
Ask for Forgiveness

I was unsure I heard Him right but I obeyed Him.

I must have really committed a huge sin without being aware of it.
“My Father, please forgive me in your mercy. In ways I have committed sins knowingly and unknowingly, I ask for mercy in the name of Jesus” I prayed
No satisfaction came
I had not nailed it on the head the way He wanted it
My heart yearned the more

“Oh God, I really don’t get. I can’t really fathom what exactly it is I am supposed to confess. Search me oh Lord and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts dear Savior. See, if there be any sin in me and cleanse me Lord” I prayed fervently, tears gathering in my eyes already
Mercy!

“OK… Lord have mercy. Please have mercy…” I prayed again when the Spirit spoke silently again
Mercy!

Mercy?
I started racking my brain as I shook my head if that would open my understanding.
“Oh Lord, I don’t seem to understand what You are trying to pass across but I bring Mercy before You…” just like at the Who wants to be a Millionaire show, it felt like I heard a round of applause on my behalf.
I had got the prayer right
Forgive!
The word came again and I closed my eyes more firmly
“Father forgive Mercy for all her…” I started again when I met with a big ‘No!’
You!

Me?
Yes you!
I was confused.
What have I done to Mercy that I would need her forgiveness for?
Then I started thinking deeply
The only person I had talked about Mercy with was my husband after the service on Sunday.
It was after our lunch as we discussed over a tray of oranges
“The service today was almost interrupted o. We just thank God” my husband had said
I shook my head
“I was in the toilet when everything happened o. Mama Peace was telling me that the Elder’s daughter caused a commotion” I said and he shook his head

“She is really demon possessed o.” my husband said and I nodded as he drove on
“Really!”
“My girl, she bit the usher in the church, the whole congregation was in great disarray because of her” he told me and I shook my head
“Nawa o. That is their own cross o. they would have to bear it judiciously or better still take her for deliverance. I wonder why ministers’ children suffer these things more” I had said
“Havent you ever noticed that she walked like a snake?” my husband said and although I smiled at how funny it sounded but I reasoned with it and nodded
“Just now as I think of it, her forehead has some dark parts” I said, nodding as my husband smiled
“You see”
As the scene unfolded, the Holy Spirit made me aware of how foolish I had been then
“The same mistake Adam made when Eve gave him the fruit of knowledge and wisdom was the same mistake you made Tricia” He spoke to me and I listened
“Instead of Adam to tell Eve that ‘Eve, this fruit is not meant to be touched by us. You are very wrong’ he just took the fruit and ate” the calm voice continued

“When someone starts a discussion, no matter how interesting it sounds, it would be best if you called on me to filter the words and interpret them in the stereo of your ears so that you would know the right answer to give.” The spirit lectured me again and tears rolled down my face
It dawned on me how wrong I had been and how the little conversation with my husband had made me wrong
“That was why I couldn’t pray aright for her?” I seemed to ask

“The mistake most of you make is that, after condemning and complaining and criticizing someone, you would then go on your knees to pray for such. It’s not done” he said, softly
Hmmmm
“You complain and confess that Nigeria is this and that, that your business is that and this and afterwards, you come with a fake faith to pray”

“Fake faith?”
“Oh yes!”
“How Lord?”