Hidden Dreams

Episode 28

Ms Jere….
With his every step he led me deep into what I feared the most, falling in love with him. He held me so close as I felt his soft heart beat.
Closing my eyes I let the song take me, I felt comfortable and when I realised what was happening, I stepped back.

His soft eyes set on mine and I struggled to control what I was feeling.

I had taken leave when I noticed how he begun frequenting my office. I recalled how Tracy came to me one day and told me point blank how she felt for Jay.
” am going to tell him the truth tomorrow madam” she had told me.
” well, I don’t know what to tell you Tracy. It’s like you are not here for advice but to inform me of that your decision” I had told her. I knew she had something else planned not really wanting to ask my opinion. I knew at that point that she was suspecting something. She just wanted to make it clear I understood that she was aware of Jay’ s feelings for me and I knew talking her out of it would trigger something else. She was obsessed with him.

I saw him standing as he talked something with her even though I could see he wasn’t happy being around her, I ignored them that night and faked looking at something on my phone as I passed them.

The day after I signed for some leave days. Taking 3 months so that by the time my days would be over, the grade 12s would have finished writing their exams.

I didn’t anticipate Jay coming to find me. Having changed my number and made sure I didn’t give anyone from school my line so as to avoid him finding it.
” if you don’t care about him, why are you so determined to hide from him? Why are you afraid of letting out your number if you know he wasn’t serious about your feelings?” My friend had asked me.
“There can’t be anything between us my friend do you even hear yourself. It’s my student we are talking about here” I argued.
” Yeah, yeah a student that you won’t stop talking about him. Just accept it you feel things for this so called student of yours. And from the photos you showed me at that dance competition he is a very charming and good looking man. ” she responded
” well I really have not to worry now that am out of that place and since he will be going for his studies with that scholarship am sure I won’t be seeing him any time soon. ” I defended myself.

However I was shocked seeing him at my brother’ s house. When the guy who is renting at the servant’s quarter told me someone was by the gate I had thought maybe it was one of the people from the dance class I used to go help out in town. Seeing him there in his jeans and a dark shirt that made him look so grown up and handsome, I couldn’t say any words. My mouth was dry.

“Talk to me, am all ears Angela” he smiled his stern voice close to my ears.
” I can’t do this Jay, we talked about this already.”

” exactly,” he cut me. We have talked about this before and we are not going back to talk about it in the same way. Will you stop resisting me already, you know how you feel about me but I don’t understand why you keep fighting it. Am I not man enough for you?” He asked not moving away from me his nice scent clouding my judgement.
” I don’t know what to tell you then. What happens If you decide am too old for you? You fall in love with a younger girl where you are going? No, Jay please understand, us women we grow faster than men. You are just starting your life and there are a lot of things you have not yet experienced as a man. Am a woman and pretty soon I will start thinking of settling down. When you are still in the world of exploring. Please. I may be feeling something for you Yes, I agree you are driving me crazy right now holding me and standing so close to me but this can not last. Trust me I might be 2 years older than you but for me a woman that’s lots of years. I have matured and you will find it difficult to catch up with me. ” I took my time bringing out every word with so much gentleness..

He stood quite for some time and I felt glad he was getting my points.

I held his hand wanting to add on to my words to convince him.

” Listen, you will fall in love again. You are only 21, I can promise you you will find a woman who will love you and you will love her back. Then, you will understand that it’s possible to forget someone. Am so greatful to have experienced this with you. You have made me realise and feel special and for that, I will forever be greatful. ”

He was still quite and this time it scared me. The last thing I needed was him getting upset or discouraged. I wanted him to be okey and to have his mind free from any negativity.
” hey, are you not going to say anything?” I asked him looking up at him as he stood a shoulder taller than me.