Loving Ashe

Episode 21

Where I’ll Be

Paige was remarkably calm when she answered the door that evening though Riley was sure that a few glasses of wine had probably helped to mellow her mood. She felt like a defendant entering the courtroom—though guilty until proven innocent in this case—as she walked through the door and entered the living room. +

Clint was seated in his armchair, surrounded by the triplets. Trey and Trevor were showing him pieces of construction paper bearing their painted handprints and Thomas was leaning against Clint’s left leg, flipping through a picture book.

“Riley, you missed an excellent evening!” Clint said. “Jesse was pretty disappointed that you couldn’t make it, but luckily he ended up charming some fashion model all night. Can you believe that? It could have been you.” 10

“No, thank you, Clint, but I owe you for the cost of the ticket. It will take me time, but I’ll do it in installments,” Riley replied. The children abandoned Clint and surrounded her, holding up their painted creations and, in Thomas’ case, his book, Hansel and Gretel.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Clint said, waving his hand. “It’s a tax write-off for my company, and it’s something we do each year. Paige and I just thought it would be a good experience for you to have. We even found ourselves a new investment! We are now private investors in an upcoming movie about some country western singer. It’s still in development, but considering that Reign Studios just purchased the screenplay from these guys, I’m sure it’s still an excellent venture. My companies have only really dipped into big budget films and not so much the smaller outfits, but no better time than any to start now, eh?” 11

“Okay,” Riley said slowly. Having no extensive knowledge about investing, she’d let Clint invest her money for the last three years. “This is a bit different from the usual stocks and bonds and mutual funds you’ve put my money into, isn’t it?” 2

“Just diversifying your assets, Riley. You can’t be a barista forever, you know,” Clint said as Riley felt herself being herded toward the playroom by the triplets, but she held her ground. The playroom would mean she’d be buried in all the toys and probably asked to assemble a new train.

Paige, who was standing by the window holding a glass of white wine in her hand, should have said something by now, Riley thought—even something snarky — but she was quiet, which told Riley that her sister was still pretty mad at her. She watched as Paige disappeared into the kitchen before turning her attention to her nephews who were telling her everything they’d done since they last saw her. Ten minutes later, Paige stepped back into the living room to announce that dinner was ready.

Oh well, whatever Paige had to say would have to wait till later then, Riley thought as she extricated herself from beneath the pile of identical triplets. But maybe it was for the best. That way, they could all enjoy a nice dinner, talking about the usual things they talked about, like what the triplets were doing now, who caught a cold and who didn’t, who got into trouble at the pre-school or what game they were into now, which usually changed weekly.

Halfway through dinner, the conversation returned to the gala.

“Come to think of it, Gareth was there, too, so it would probably have been awkward for you both to be in the same room after that whole fiasco with that photo of you two kissing,” Clint said, glancing at Paige before turning back to Riley.

“Now I’m really happy that I didn’t go,” Riley said, forcing a smile. “That would have been interesting, wouldn’t it? Gareth and I in the same room?”

With that, Thomas suddenly announced that he’d eaten all he could and wanted to return to his storybook. Trey and Trevor wholeheartedly agreed though they had to stay for ten more minutes after Clint reminded them that they had to wait till everyone was finished with dinner before excusing themselves. As soon as the ten minutes were up, they rushed into the playroom and Clint excused himself as well.

STORY CONTINUES BELOW

“I’ll leave you ladies to your usual girl talk, and I’ll take care of the kids. Thank you so much for dinner, dear. It was delicious, as always,” said Clint, kissing Paige on the cheek before disappearing into the playroom with the boys.

Clint was smart, Riley thought. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that Paige was angry with Riley, and it was probably best for Clint and the boys to be out of earshot when she blew up.

“You should just come straight out with whatever it is you want to say, Paige. It’s killing you to hold it in,” said Riley as she loaded the dishes into the dishwasher.

“I’m very disappointed with you, Ri,” Paige said. “You promised to go to the gala, and you backed out at the very last minute. Very. Last. Minute.”

“I just didn’t want to go, that’s all,” Riley said. “I never wanted to.”

“Because of Ashe.”

“Well, partly.”

“Bob told me that you jumped out of the car in broad daylight. Your coat’s beside the door, by the way, since you left it behind in your rush to run after a man.”

“I didn’t run after him, Paige. He was already heading for my apartment to visit me and when I got to the front of my building he was already there,” Riley said, give or take a few minutes, though that fact Paige didn’t have to know. “But this isn’t about Ashe, is it? This is really about us, and the fact that you can no longer control me or the way I live my life.” 1

“The way you live your life? I saw how you tried to live your life, Riley, and it almost died of an overdose,” Paige said. “Why can’t you be with someone normal, someone who-” 11

“Ashe is normal, Paige,” Riley interrupted. “He’s so normal it’s not even funny. He dances the salsa; he reads Murakami, and he has a vinyl record collection that includes the Sex Pistols and the Beatles. But most of all, he likes me—a lot.”

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” Paige said, her hands on her hips as she glared at Riley. “Was that what you were doing the entire time that you couldn’t even be bothered to call me back?”

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. But I texted you, didn’t I? And just in case you’ve forgotten, I’m old enough to sleep with whoever I want, and I will sleep with whoever I want, not Jesse or whoever else you and Clint think is right for me,” Riley said. “I remember how you used to think that Gareth was the most amazing thing to happen to me because he was there for me after Mom died—”

“But you also ended up almost killing yourself because of him,” Paige said.

“If I ended up hurting myself, it was my fault, not yours nor Gareth’s,” Riley said. “What do you want me to do, Paige? Become a nun? Sooner or later, I’m going to fall in love with someone, and guess what? I already have.”

“Why can’t you fall for some other guy who doesn’t work in the same business as Gareth? Someone who won’t leave you behind while he’s doing promos halfway across the world?” Paige asked. “How are you going to handle the talk about him being with someone else, pictures of him with someone, being a called his beard all because he travels with his two business partners; or when he’s filming, how are you going to handle the kissing scenes, or worse, the sex scenes? How, Riley?” 20

Riley paused. She hadn’t thought about such things—Ashe kissing someone else in front of the camera or being naked with someone else though he assured her that these days, he had the power to say no to any nudity on camera—or at least gratuitous nudity at that.

“I’ll handle it because I trust him,” Riley said. “And he trusts me.”

“You trusted Gareth,” Paige said coldly. “Look where that got you.” 32

Riley exhaled, feeling the foundations of what she’d just built with Ashe waver. After all, he was an actor, and he could have just fooled her the entire weekend, telling her the things she wanted to hear and then be gone tomorrow. 2

But she couldn’t let it happen. Not now. She couldn’t understand why Paige was so hung up over Gareth leaving her the way he did. Sure, she ended up hooked on heroin, but after her overdose, she’d completed rehab, and she’d been clean ever since. It may not have been her first time at the rodeo when she finally got caught with the drugs, lying on the bathroom floor with the needle still in her arm because the drugs had been cut with something else more potent, but Riley had determined that it would be her last. And she hadn’t touched it since. 2

“Ashe isn’t Gareth,” Riley said. “Besides, why are you so hung up on him, Paige? Why can’t you let Gareth go? I’m trying my best to move on, but you keep bringing him up, expecting Ashe to be just like him.” 9

“Because he hurt you badly, that’s why, and I don’t want him or anyone, Ashe included, to hurt you ever again,” Paige said. 8

They stared at each other for what seemed like minutes, neither of them speaking. Riley had run out of things to say, and she knew that anything she said now was simply to defend herself for choosing Ashe over someone else—someone Paige considered normal.

“But you can’t stop anyone from hurting me, can you?” Riley asked. “I can’t stop it either. But I have to live my life, too, Paige, the way I want to.” 2

“What if Ashe decides tomorrow that you two are over? Next week? Next month? Next year?” Paige asked. “The way you fall hard, Riley, what are you going to do then? Go back to your drugs and fool everyone that you’re okay the way you fooled us for a year? You almost died.”

It always went back to the drugs. Riley couldn’t blame Paige for worrying about her because of her addiction, one that she’d hidden so well from everyone, even her closest friends whom Riley abandoned after her stint in rehab was over. She’d been too ashamed for lying to everyone, even herself.

“I may not know what I’ll do when Ashe tells me it’s over, but I do know what I won’t do. I won’t pretend that everything is okay when it’s not, and buy H and think I can drown my pain in it,” Riley said, her throat tightening. “And this time, I also will ask for help when I need it. And I won’t hide anything from you because you’re the only family I have left—at least, a family whose dad is not so drunk they can’t even remember my name or blame me for not being strong enough, big enough to save mom when the fire happened.”

“You promise?” Paige asked. “You promise you won’t hurt yourself again?”

Riley nodded, wishing Paige let go of the past. “I promise.”

Paige gathered Riley in a tight hug. “I don’t ever want to lose you, Ri. I know I’m not perfect. I know I’ve made my mistakes—and God knows I’ve made a lot of them—but no matter what happens, I don’t want to lose you.”

“That’s what this is all about, isn’t it?” Riley asked, drawing away to peer at Paige, whose eyes were welling with tears. “You don’t want to lose me to anyone. Not even to someone I love.”

Paige swallowed. Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “That’s not the reason, Riley,” she whispered. “There’s something else…” 31

“I’m not your personal pet, Paige. I’m a grown woman, and I can take care of myself,” Riley said. “Wait, what do you mean there’s something else?”

“Nothing,” Paige whispered. She was gazing at Riley in a way she’d never done before. It was a haunted look, reminding Riley of someone who was shell-shocked over something so traumatic. Was Riley being with Ashe that traumatic for Paige? 18

Was that what all this was about? About Ashe being in the same business as Gareth, whose leaving could lead Riley to drugs again, or worse? Riley touched the middle of Paige’s chest gently, a light tap that made Paige take a deep intake of breath, her eyes still glistening.

“I’ll always be here, Paige. No matter what happens, I’ll always be right here,” Riley whispered. “And you’ll always be my sister. Nothing will ever change that. I promise.”