She Pulled Her Pants

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 20

Some drivers could be so wicked. Going to

Maraba is N100, Nyanya goes at same price

but everything tripled that night. Nyanya

became 150, Maraba N200. Kai…. I was

really angry. I had budgeted the money given

to me by Madam so aint no way I am

forming big boy o. I waited and waited before

this El-rufai came o. El-Rufai (Abuja) = BRT

(Lagos). Na so I push, drag, pinch before I

succeed enter inside car. Everywhere dey full

and na to stand na im remain.

Na so I stand for car o, car begin drive, we

reach AYA realize say na from there hold-up

start from. Men, na so my leg pain me till we

reach Nyanya. Na from there I climb another

car. I reach Maraba I don already tire finish.

Men, I just dey come down, I comot Phone

call this chick tell her say I don reach, na so

she shout give me. Men, I begin happy o as

she tell me say she don cook finish. She been

think say I go disappoint her. D–n… Me?

For free toto, food and bed? Maka gini…

I had crossed over the road to the other side

clutching tightly on my phone. I had made

the first call codedly so I was not planing on

risking it the second time. Those guys with

eagle eyes must have sighted me. The boys

dey snatching phone from car wey dey drive

120 km/h, my own go be play be that na. I

remember when them been collect my phone.

I been dey use one confirm express music

and I just landed Abuja newly. I was leaving

for the hotel I was employed in very early in

the morning. I had brought out my phone to

download games. I never knew one of them

phone-snatchers saw me. The guy trailed the

car till it was about to leave the hold up. He

struck, kai, I held my phone tight but he

twisted my fingers and removed it from my

hand.

I been think say heart attack wan catch me.

Na so my phone carry go? Everybody for car

begin tell me sorry. Even the mumu driver

dey tell me talk say him been wan tell me

but im mind comot from there. As I reach

work begin yan people the story, all of them

come dey tell me say na mumu I be. Me?

mumu? Sake of say person force phone

comot from my hand o. I no blame them.

How I for do am? CHase am when my seat

belt (I sat on the front passenger seat) hold

me down like captured goat?

As soon as I entered into the park, I went

straight to where bikes were parked. Picked

one, bargained and hopped on it. I was

feeling the gently breeze that brushed my

face as the journey progressed.

“brrrrrrrrr”

My Nokia begin ring. I pick am look the

name. Choi, my belle sweet me die. Na one

confirm babe wey me dey like for Nairaland

na her dey call. I pick call begin yan with her

but along the line she begin tell me say she

no dey hear me. I tell her say make she call

me later say I dey on top of bike dey go

house. For where?

I got to Assemblies of God at Aso, picked my

phone confidently since the phone snatchers

don’t operate in the inner part of Maraba and

called this girl. She picked it at the first ring.

Minutes later she appeared. Na so she wear

one blue top on top lo black skirt come

carry head-tie cover herself like Hausa girl.

“Attai, I miss you.”

Miss? When we see?

“Me too.”

She come hug me. Na so signal waka enter

my brain because her kind of hugging na the

one wey them dey carry hand take hold

preek.

“where is your place?”

I no wan waste time o.

“It’s over there. We have to be quiet about it.

I don’t want my landlord finding out.”

I only nodded and allowed her lead me

through twists and turns of the ghetto

looking Maraba. We entered into her

compound and straight into her room. The

place looked like the normal student abi na

spinster room self. Bed on the rug carpet,

bags hanging on the wall, a wardrobe full of

clothes. Tell me why women like clothes pass

men. The most beautiful thing in the room

was the pot that was still steaming on the

fire. The aroma wasn’t clear though.

“Please take that pot outside. I hate smoke”

I complained to her which she quickly did.

She came back to meet me laughing over the

phone. The female Nairalander stayed on the

call for close to 20 minutes after which I

bade her goodnight with sweet words. Jeez,

this babe was right there. She did not

interrupt the call. She waited for me to finish.

“Who was that?”

She asked.

“A friend.”

I replied curtly. It is only women that are

allowed to have male friends. Men are not

allowed o. You are either with them or with

nobody.

“A friend ba? So you keep girlfriend for house

wan come fu’u’ck me ba?”

That’s how raw she can get with her mouth

o. I was just starting to realize that I had

entered one-chance.

“It is not what you think o. Give me food

make I eat jor.”

I sort of commanded her. She obliged my

request but I refused eating the food until

she joined me. I no wan hear say na only my

stomach go swell-up. I no care if she hide

the anti-dote somewhere.

“Who was that girl you spent so long a time

talking to?”

She dropped the question again. I looked at

her and swallowed. I had finished eating,

gone to bathroom, freshened up and was

only putting on my boxers. She had stripped

herself n’a’ked and was lying close to me.

If na you, how you wan carry tell her say na

“so cute was the bliss” call?