We Are Able

Episode 26

I began to seek a way of getting through to father’s room to get
his bible. Even if I took it away from there, he wouldn’t notice it.

I just had to make sure that he didn’t spot me entering there,
else I would be in ‘pepper soup’. I had to look left, right and left
at several occasion, but each time I was about taking the step,
either Bode or Toyosi would be coming close.
Since the day I stepped into the parlour to confront Toyosi, she
hadn’t beaten me. I wondered why. Maybe she was scared of
my look that day, I thought. Perhaps she was up to something
again. However, my bedroom was not changed—the kitchen.
It was December already. A new year would soon be here.

How I wished the new year could bring something really new.

I just wished to be out of the house. Toyosi had warned me
earlier that any day I stepped out of the house, then I should
count myself dead. I wasn’t even allowed to play within the
compound.

One day, daddy sat on the sofa in the parlour. Initially, he was
watching a movie. But sleep came and robbed him of his
consciousness. The door to his room wasn’t shut, so I knew it
was the best time to get in there. I was fortunate because
Toyosi had taken Bode out for shopping for the approaching
Christmas.

I plodded into his room and went straight for the bible. I got it
and began to make my way out of his room. Hurriedly, I set
the bedside table well as it was, else, my father would know I
came in if he met his room in disarray.
I didn’t hesitate to begin perusing the holy book. Since I didn’t
know much scripture in my head, I began to open at random.

The passage that caught my attention was where Jesus Christ
was on the cross, about to die. I read with interest. I didn’t
know when tears began to run down my cheeks. Initially, I
thought I was the one who had the greatest suffering in the
world, but when I read it, my fear was allayed. If the son of
God could suffer to death in such manner, how much more
me, a human?

I picked up the confidence that no matter what comes my way,
I would no more be shaking. If Jesus could cry and shout “My
father, my father, why have you forsaken me?” then it wasn’t a
big deal if my earthly father, John, also forsook me, I thought.
I fell in love with that expression; I thought of making it into a
poem, therefore I wrote the expression down in a little paper
and put the paper inside the bible.
My father, my father, why have you forsaken me?

The poem I would write on that had begun to form in my
head. I would write it as soon as possible.
I kept the bible in a space behind the bags of rice close to the
wall. I knew it would be safe there.

Toyosi was done shopping. She had brought a lot from the
boutique. I was surprised when she came to the kitchen where
I was passing the day and tapped me. I thought she was here
to complain about the meal she just ate, but to my shock she
wasn’t here for such intent. She pulled me up in a peaceful
manner and pointed the parlour to me. I led the way, she
followed. She began to point to Bode who was dressed in a
well-tailored robe. She even bought a horsetail and a
swaggerstick for him and asked him to do a little pose in the
robe. Bode looked gorgeous in the robe. I was blushing.

Toyosi began to unloose a nylon bag. Then she brought out a
very beautiful pink dress. For who? I thought. Could that be for
me for the Christmas? My father frowned when she brought
out the dress. Toyosi spoke to him and he mellowed down. I
didn’t know what she told him. Anyway, I was prepared for
the worst, so I wouldn’t be taken by surprise.

Toyosi ordered me to pull off my dress. I did that hurriedly.

Then she gave me the dress.

“Wear it,” she told me in sign language. I boggled. The dress
would hurt me, I thought. Who knows what the inner of the
cloth was made of? Maybe she had soaked the dress in juju, I
pondered on.

“Wear it!” she instructed me again. I began to pray in my mind
that nothing should happen to me. Slowly, I wore the dress as
I insinuated a fall of death. Toyosi was smiling and turning her
head from side to side to take a close look at me. Bode and
John my father had some grotesques on their faces still.

My father even left the room and Bode followed him; like father like
son.

Toyosi held the shoulder pads and turned me around. She
asked me to walk a little further away from where I was. I did. I
saw her mouth go wow! She said I looked like Cinderella.

Toyosi brought out a pair of female shoes and asked me to
wear it too. First, I had to stuff my dirty legs into two long
stockings before putting on the shoes. Toyosi cleaned the legs
with a white handkerchief before asking me to put my legs in
there. Toyosi placed a hat on my head. It was a pink hat as
well.

She led me to a round glass, standing on a carved wooden
base. I saw my look. I never knew I could be that beautiful.
“Good,” Toyosi said. She asked me to pull off.

The day after, John came to me and tapped me. I was sitting in
the parlour then. Toyosi and Bode weren’t at home. When I
turned my gaze around, I was shocked at what I saw:
My father held his bible close to my face. Gently, he picked up
the note I wrote:
My father, why have you forsaken me?

The shock was too much for me to easily come off. I was
‘dumbfounded’. I trembled. How did he get the bible? I asked
myself.

John wrote a note:
Why did you write this? Who told you I have forsaken you?
He demanded that I wrote my response in the same piece of
paper. I had no answer to supply. I would ask him a question
in reply.

How did you discover it? I wrote back.
Shocked? You went into my room and took my bible where it
was. I got to know that when you were probably trying to
leave the room; my key fell from the keyhole of the door when
you were leaving the room. I heard the sound, you didn’t hear
it. I followed you and saw you taking it to the kitchen. I peeped
at you as you were pushing it behind the bags of rice. Now,
Rose, can you see how useless you are? Your ears didn’t even
pick up the loud trampling of my feet while I was rushing to
my door to see who was there.
I collected the note and read it. I was motionless. John snaffled
it suddenly and wrote something more:
You want to know why I have forsaken you? Anyway, being
forsaken is what you deserve.

Why do I deserve to be? I replied. I had always crave
something like this. I had wished for so long to ask my father a
heart-to-heart question to know the state of his mind and the
reasons for all his inimical actions. Now it seemed he was ready
to pour out his mind to me when he wasn’t actually the person
I was referring to in the note. That was supposed to be the title
of my poem.
Yes, you deserve to be forsaken; why did you come to the
world, useless? You have never been of help to me in life and
you can never be.
I have been of help to you, father—a great help for that matter.

When was that?
On May 29, 1999, just last year, I helped you when you were
helpless. When the new president stormed the podium on the
handover day and spoke about his ascension and about his
ambitions for the country, your old TV ran out of voice, or
maybe the TV station lost its voice, you came in and tapped me
to come over to the parlour. I was there with you, watching
the sign language done at a corner of the TV. I wrote down
everything and gave it to you. You were happy you didn’t miss
the president’s speech that day.

My father read the note and trembled. It was conspicuous that
he was confused.

John didn’t utter a word by replying the note. He just walked
out of the parlour and went straight to his room. I have won.

How would a man answer the question addressed to God? I
thought amusingly. John is not God, therefore he shouldn’t
dare try to address my question. For all I cared, John is not my
father but a devil incarnate.

A week later, it was Christmas Day. Bode was in his robe as
expected. As for me, I didn’t know how to ask Toyosi for mine;
the one I wore that day. Bode held the horsetail and a walking
stick in his hands and walked like a chief. John was well-dressed
too, as well as Toyosi. It seemed they would be going out.

When Toyosi didn’t dress me up, I approached her to ask what
my fate was. She smiled and said, “Oh! Rose, come with me?”

I followed Toyosi out of the house for the first time since three
months. A cool wind settled on me. I could feel the yuletide.

The frontage had changed a lot, we now had a neighbor in the
other duplex. Toyosi asked me to wait for her. She entered into
the other flat. She came out pushing a wheelchair towards me.

A girl of around my age was sitting on the wheelchair.

Her mother came outside with a boy who appeared to be blind.

The boy was dressed for the Christmas as well as the girl on
the wheelchair.

Rose, here is a surprise for you,” Toyosi signed to me.

“I don’t understand,” I replied her.
“Look at that dress on her, it was the one I put on you last
week,” she signed to me. The mother of the child on
wheelchair was clueless. She was seeing me for the first time
since two months they packed in.

Toyosi told her something which I couldn’t hear. Maybe she
told her that I was their deaf housemaid, I wouldn’t know.

Toyosi turned to me and said, “I never had a dress for you. Her
mother asked me to help her go shopping for her son and
daughter and I did. I tested the dress on you because you have
exactly the same stature as lame la!de sitting here. Hope you
are not blind like blind Biodun standing beside his mother over
there. Merry Christmas, Rose!” she signed and began to leave
the house.